I forgive you wayne

coleen and wayne rooney


Hola. Hope you are well. 

I’ve had a varied week. As I mentioned recently I have appeared in my local newspaper, the South Manchester Reporter twice in the last month. Despite being a bit crap when it comes to technology, I’ve managed to scan the articles, so those unfortunate enough to live outside of South Manchester have the chance to see the articles. (article 1) and (who’s who article). I mention these articles, not to show off (honest) but because on the way to watch the Switzerland vs England game, a bloke walking towards me, wearing shorts and carrying a plastic bag looked at me and just as we passed each other, he spat on the ground and then said “Are you a bit of a comedian?” I said “yep, a bit of a comedian”. I thought if he wasn’t going to commit to me being a full comedian, then it would probably be a social faux pas for me to do so. He then went on to say he’d seen me in the paper, which just goes to show the power of the local media. To be honest I’m just glad he didn’t want to beat me up. 

As for the football, it brought me some money. In particularly Wayne Rooney won me some money, admittedly I didn’t get as much money off the back of Wayne Rooney as some we have learnt about in recent times. But after his recent publicity I thought I’d put some money on him being the first scorer against the Swiss. It was only when Rooney scored the first goal, that I thought maybe I’d should have put on more money than the £1:25 at 4-1 that I actually did. And before you ask, yes I did feel a bit of a tw@t putting such a small bet on in the bookers. I put the bet on in hushed tones, just in case anyone overheard. I felt a little bit more confident, when I went in the next day to collect my winnings, all £5 of them (plus my stake). I was wary not to go crazy and blow all my winnings in one go. Instead I bought some toothpaste £1, renewed a DVD from the library £1, then I bought tinned tomatoes, mushrooms and bacon from a supermarket and I still had some change left, although I think by the time I bought a cup of tea in a cafe,  I’d exceeded my winnings. 

As some of you may know I’m constantly thinking of ways to advance my global appeal. Well inspiration hit last week. I’m not sure what triggered it off, but I had a thought that around this time next year I could hold an ‘International Burn Tony Blair’s book day’. I could grow a ridiculous moustache and promote the event on the side of a tacky trailer. The only problem is that I don’t want to buy the book so I’ll have to find a library that stocks the book and burn it in there. I suppose I’ve got a year to iron out these teething problems. 

And Finally…. Here’s a little insight into my personal life, I decided I should do some stretches last week, as it would make me more supple. So I did some intense stretches on my hamstrings. I then spent the next 3 days walking around with tight hamstrings. I think I might just stick to gambling. 

Til next week, stay safe!

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