staffroom conspiracies

sir henry cooper

Hola. Hope you are well.

Firstly I feel I should apologise, for posting this week’s post on a Wednesday. A number of things conspired to scupper my hopes of posting sooner. In theory I could have written the blog on Sunday and saved it as draft and then published it on Monday or Tuesday but as there were 3 football games on back to back on Sunday and I watched all 3 of them in the pub meant that course of action was unlikely. Then on Monday it was a Bank Holiday and so ‘Her With One Permanent Job’ and I ended up in Brighton and then in the evening we had a couple of friends staying and it would have been the height of rudeness if I stopped engaging with them to do my blog. On Tuesday I was back in work, which took up many potential blog creating hours (but does pay the bills) and then in the evening I was doing a rare comedy gig, as one half of the 3 Prong Attack, which meant I only had time to eat before I was heading out of the flat again. That ladies and gentlemen is why this blog is being published today, Weds. At least not much has happened since my last blog post, unless of course you count the Royal Wedding and the killing of Osama Bin Laden.

Talking of which, did you watch? (the wedding, not the other thing). On last week’s post I said I would watch if I was near a TV but in reality I was always going to watch. The main conclusion I reached from the whole thing is that weddings are generally boring events, even with all the pomp and ceremony (and Fearne Cotton) it was still a dull affair. There did however seem to be plenty of interest in Kate/Catherine’s dress. I think the general consensus was that it was nice, at a reported cost of £250 000 you’d like to think it was nice. For what it’s worth, I agree that it was nice, if a little titty for our future Queen and with it being figure hugging, it showed how slim she is, I just hope now she is royalty she’ll  now be able to afford to eat.

After watching it on the TV we ventured into central London just to see what it was like, and at one point something weird happened, people started singing on the tube. I could only assume they were tourists, because people who live in London don’t act like that. Since I’ve been in London I can hardly remember seeing commuters crack a smile nevermind start singing.

And now on to the killing of Bin Laden, which has led to a number of conspiracy theories, mainly in the staffroom of the school I’m working at. One of their theories is that the only reason America did this was because the eyes of the world were on England due to the wedding so they had to do something to get one over us. I know Obama didn’t get an invite to the wedding but I find it to believe that since then he’s been sitting around thinking of ways he could get  back at Wills and Kate/Catherine and came up with killing Osama. Having said all that, it doesn’t help quash the conspiracies that when news first broke, it was reported that Osama was using his youngest wife as a human shield and was firing at the American soldiers. It also stated that the wife had died in the raid. The very next day it came out that Osama was unarmed, he didn’t use his youngest wife as a shield and that she didn’t die but did get shot in the leg. These do seem like contradictory stories, call me old-fashioned but dying and not dying are fundamentally different things.

The person I feel sorry for in all this is Sir Henry Cooper who passed away in between the Royal Wedding and the killing of Osama. There’s probably never a good time to die but if you were hoping your death would generate lots of column inches then this was surely not a good time to go. At least he got a mention on an unknown comedian’s blog.

And Finally… it is the vote on electoral reform tomorrow (thurs) I can’t see it capturing the nations imagination in the same way as the 2 big news stories of the past week. If it does, I can only imagine it’s because Nick Clegg has shot David Cameron through the eye and dumped his body in the Thames, whilst Sam Cam limps away after being shot in the leg.

Til next week, (hopefully mon) stay safe!

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