Jobs for the boy.

My one year boy has just started taking his first tentative steps. He is however good at kicking a ball whilst holding my hand. With this in mind I was wondering what’s the earliest age Premier League clubs offer parents a ‘financial inducement’ to join their academy. The sooner the better from my perspective.

If not a Premier League footballer, I’m thinking a forensics officer as he has an inbuilt ability to find the smallest of bits. There would be some danger that the evidence would end up in his mouth but I suppose that’s the risk of employing toddlers.

@unknowncomic

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Cutting down on the white stuff.

Like Ian Wright I need to cut down on my sugar intake.

This realisation, like most realisations in life, came via porridge.

Whenever I’ve made porridge for myself I’ve always added sugar but for my 1 year old I make it without. Being so young I also have to check the temperature is suitable. I do this through the very sophisticated method of sticking my little finger in the porridge. This however means I then have a bit of porridge on my finger and the easiest way to remove this is by licking it off. On doing this I was surprised that it didn’t taste minging, in fact it was more than passable. Since then I’ve tried to take less sugar in my porridge, my other cereals and my cups of tea (down to about half a tea spoon).

Feel free to tell me about your sugar journey, either via the comments button or @anunknowncomic

Listen to my comedy prongcast. Cheers

One higher than mute.

I managed to work out (I read the instructions) how to turn off the flashing lights and transmission  noise on the baby monitor.

It was quite reassuring having the noise, just so we knew it was working but at night it impacted on my sleep. Now I can have uninterrupted sleep, unless the baby wakes, I need the toilet, or as is happening I wake anyway as my sleep pattern is all over the place.

Talking of baby monitors, you can set the volume at 1. Who sets their baby monitor at 1? Surely it’s either set high or in the middle, not one higher than mute. Should you set it at 1 feel free to contact me via the comments button or @anunknowncomic

Listen to my comedy prongcast. Thanks.

Should you wake a sleeping baby?

The week before the events in the previous blog post, this happened.

The baby was coughing in his sleep so I woke him to give him some medicine. Did he a) go straight back to sleep or b) was he still awake more than an hour later? Answers on a postcard to it’s always answer b with these kind of questions.

@anunknowncomic

Should you have any spare time, check out my comedy podcasts. Cheers.

 

 

Other pharmaceutical companies are available.

The baby’s sleep has not been at its best in the last few weeks. Initially we thought it was because he had a cold but the poor sleep seems to have continued long after the cold disappeared.

On the back of this the other half ordered a blackout blind from a well known pharmaceutical outfit (Boots). The blind was supposed to be ready for collection on Saturday. After being out all day, I had to run to said shop before it closed at 5:30, only to find the blind had not been delivered. I was however, assured it would be there on Monday.

On Monday the other half went to pick it up and it still wasn’t there. No one seemed to know where it was. In many ways it was the blind leading the blind.

Ps. We now have the blind, yet the sleep has yet to improve.

@anunknowncomic

Should you have time check out my comedy prongcasts. Cheers.

Bed hopping

I’m not  one to talk about my bedroom activities, that is until now.
Since the arrival of a baby in our flat, sleep has been the number one topic trending.

Early on me and the other half decided we would split night-time duties, thinking it best we both get some sleep, rather than both of us being permanently knackered.

In practical terms, this has meant sleeping in separate rooms and handing the baby over in the middle of the night. Initially the baby swap included me taking the cot from one bedroom to the other (not with the baby in it). The system may have seemed a little cumbersome but it worked for us.

Our system came under further scrutiny at Christmas, when we went back to our parents. Fortunately they both live on the same street. This still meant that instead of carrying the baby from one room to the other, I had to transport the baby from one house to the next, with the street doubling  for the corridor.

This meant that from any point between 2am -3:30am a neighbour struggling for sleep would have seen me wheeling a baby up the street, every night for a week.

These days the baby is sleeping a lot better, sleeping through to 5am most nights. A wake up call a little earlier than I would ideally like but it’s better than the disrupted nights sleep we were previously experiencing. Due to these early starts we’ve decided that we will take it in turns to sleep in the same room as the baby.

One day in the future me and the other half may even share the same bed. Having said that and whisper it, I reckon I sleep better on my own.

@anunknowncomic

Should you have any time listen to my comedy prongcasts. Thanks

Saving time online

Every month, for the last who knows how many years, I’d go into a bank and pay off my credit card.

In my relatively new role as a dad I’ve realised time is important, so in an attempt to save time, I signed up for online banking.

Naturally the first time I used it, I was unable to transfer the money, despite faffing around for 30 mins. Meaning the very next day, I had to go into a erm… branch to sort it out.

@anunknowncomic

If you have time, check out my comedy prongcasts. Thanks