When I used to do poetry workshops in prisons before and after 2010 there were definitely less riots and general violence in prisons.
Some people might say this is because the government have cut the number of prison officers. Others may point to the fact experienced officers have been replaced with young and inexperienced officers, who are unable to deal as effectively with such circumstances. Some may say that the above reasons has meant that prisoners are being locked up for upto 23 hours a day leading to justified resentment. Others may say we send too many people to prison in the first place.
I on the other hand am saying the increase in prison violence is down to my lack of poetry workshops. So confident of my abilities that during the next prison riots I want the governor to ring me and I will guarantee to calm the situation within 2 hours with a mix of word association games and a few clever rhymes. I await the call.
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I know the world has moved on from the General Election but I feel everyone needs to read my thoughts, so here goes.
- Firstly, why would you call an election and make it about personality when you don’t have any … erm… personality.
- Hopefully this election has put to bed the idea that Lynton Crosby is some kind of genius. Thankfully the public saw through soundbite politics. It would appear the electorate weren’t prepared to put up with ‘strong and stable’ for 7 weeks.
- Despite their best efforts it would appear the ability of papers like The Sun and The Daily Mail to influence the voters is on the wane.
- The last point may in some ways have something to do with the increase in the youth vote, who don’t get their news from the traditional media.
- And finally it was good to see the experts before the election telling us how it was going to go and then after the election tell us why these things didn’t happen. It’s almost like the political experts don’t really know what the electorate is going to do.
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A minority government sounds like it should be really progressive. A government that includes black people, asian people and people from other ethnic groupings, people with disabilities and people who identify as LGBTQI.
Instead it’s what happens when the Conservatives do a bit rubbish at an election.
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Theresa May called the election so she could have a clear mandate for when she entered the Brexit negotiations. The only thing that is now clear is that she doesn’t have that mandate. If she truly believed in having this mandate she would have called the election and only when this mandate was secured would she trigger Article 50.
After her disastrous election, Theresa May is now saying the country needs a period of stability. If she really cared about stability she wouldn’t have called a snap election.
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My new album ‘Coalition of Chaos’ will be out June 9th.
It includes tracks like:
- Hinkley’s on Hold
- Screwing the self-employed
- Brexit means Brexit
- No running commentary
- Just About Managing
- Don’t mention my leather trousers
- No time for independence
- I used to be a Remainer
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When I’m not being an unknown comedian, I am an unknown teaching assistant in a school. Recently, the department I work in, SEND (Special Educational Needs & Disability) was externally audited to see if we are value for money.
It’s probably not surprising schools are looking at ways they can make themselves more ‘efficient’ when the government is imposing severe cuts on state schools. (£3bn by 2019-20)
It’s in this climate that I read an article about how more and more schools have started employing a dog as a Learning Support. In addition to this, Cambridge University now use a cat to help their students deal with stress.
When other species can do your job, it really makes you question your career choices. (sad face)
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If Evgeny Lebedev had asked me to become the editor of the London Evening Standard, for multiple reasons I’d have to say no. One being, my lack of experience.
What I definitely wouldn’t do is accept the position and continue with my job as a teaching assistant. I’d probably think that due to my lack of experience I’d need to put all my time and effort into the job. George Osborne faced with this situation, feels he can edit the paper alongside being an MP, a consultant for BlackRock and not forgetting his lucrative talks.
Other than time management concerns, it does seem somewhat dubious that a serving MP should be in a position where he has influence over a potential audience of 8m people every evening.
It begs the question, what next? Alastair Darling becoming the controller of Radio 1xtra.
Should you have time, check out my comedy prongcasts. Cheers