Picasso and the rugby league fans

naomi campbell

Hola, I hope you are all well.

I’m alive and kicking and ‘Her With One Permanent Job’s Nana hasn’t nobbled me. In fact I’m led to believe she’s ok with everything now (see last week’s post), although maybe bringing it up again isn’t the best idea, especially as she’s recently become computer savvy. Damn those computer courses for adults.

Once again I’ve had a varied week, I was on the Becky Want show (BBC Radio M’cr) on Wednesday talking about public transport. You can listen to my bit here. (my bit starts 2hrs 6mins in and will remain active til this Weds). It was nice to do a show on the station where I didn’t have to set my alarm for 6 in the morning. Becky mentioned that she listens to me reviewing the newspapers on Saturday mornings and that “she’d built up an image of me” but “I looked nothing like it”. I didn’t know how to deal with this statement because it could have been a compliment or an insult. For all I know she could have imagined me to be taller, more buff or better looking than I actually am. I know this is hard to believe but it could have been the case, so I wimped out and said something non-committal like “oh right”. If you have any suggestions as to how I should have handled this situation, feel  free to let me know. Cheers.

Yesterday (sun 8th) I took in a bit of culture. I went to the Picasso exhibition at the Tate in Liverpool. HWOPJ and I got a lift there but due to unforeseen circumstances we had to get the train back. Naturally I was ok with this, especially as I am now a spokesperson for public transport. The journey was going ok until we got to Widnes, where waiting to get on were hoards of Warrington Rugby League fans. Of all the carriages they could have got on, they chose ours, and as is typical of men when they are in big groups they were being loud and confident. I didn’t overly mind as I knew they were only on for one stop, what with Warrington being the next stop. Because I’m probably exotic to these guys, as they were getting off a few of the fans decided to ruffle my hair and mention something about velcro. In this situation I thought it better not to react, as there were a large number of them, ‘HWOPJ’ hit them with a section of The Observer. I’m not sure what surprised them more, to be attacked by a woman or to see someone reading a broadsheet.

Onto other matters. I was listening to the Home Time show on Absolute, presented by Geoff Lloyd (weekdays from 5pm) and he was talking about a picture of Tom Jones, that highlighted Tom’s groin area. He then said he would put the pic on his Twitter site. Because I am wrong, this intrigued me, so i clicked on. If you, like me want to see a 70 year old man’s groin area, then click here.and for a close up, click here. If you are a better person than me, ignore this whole paragraph. This incident did however remind me of this.

And Finally…. I was fascinated by Naomi Campbell’s appearance at the war crimes trail. In her testimony she said 2 men knocked on her hotel room door and dropped off a pouch that contained diamonds. She then went on to say, she didn’t think much of it, as she often gets gifts given to her. Some people thought this was a bit suss, but on this matter I’m with Naomi, because often when I’m staying in hotels, usually in London, unknown men knock on my door in the middle of the night thrusting a pouch at me. And nowadays I think nothing of it.

                                                              Til next week, stay safe!

 (original post 9/8/10)

Don’t believe everything you read in the papers, even if it’s true


Hola. I hope you are all well.

I was doing a poetry workshop this morning, which means it delayed this blog. Can you believe this thing called work has impinged on this blog? I must do something about this.

I also feel I must apologise for the fact that David Cameron is not doing the blog this week. I did say in last week’s post that I was going to get the PM to be a guest blogger. Unfortunately he couldn’t make it, I think he’s in India upsetting the Pakistanis.

In last week’s post I also jokingly said the ‘Big Society’ may result in the women from the local Bridge club becoming prostitutes. I was contacted by a lady at my local Bridge club who assured me her ladies had no intention of becoming prostitutes. All I can do at this stage is to apologise for any confusion and to warn you that this probably applies to the women at your local bridge club. Hope that clears that up.

Also on last week’s blog I mentioned how I had been doing some re-pointing at my mum’s house. Well it’s kind of taken over my daily thoughts. I’ll be out and about analysing walls and at times horrified at how decayed some of these bricks are. This can’t be right for a man in his mid-thirties. Aren’t I supposed to be thinking of sex every 7 seconds not trowels and cement?

I had some good news last week. Well, initially it was good news but then it turned a little sour. The good news was I made it into my local newspaper, the South Manchester Reporter. It was a nice article and even made me seem like a go getting writer and performer. The only problem (not for me) was that in the article it described me as single, which technically I am as I’m not married. This however didn’t go  down well with ‘Her With One Permanent Job’s’ Nana, who appears to think I’m using my new found fame (the local paper) as a way of attracting the ladies, if you know what I mean. Admittedly I am a hunk of burning love and added with this media spotlight, I can see why she might be concerned for her Granddaughter. But to be honest I haven’t got the time, the money, or the inclination to be dating scores of women. Maybe I have the time but the other 2 factors remain true.

Plus these women are only attracted to people more famous than me. If a woman is willing to sleep with me because she thinks I can open doors to the world of showbiz, she’s either deluded or lacking in ambition. There’s plenty of famous comedians out there, with a reputation for womanizing that these women could take advantage of, such as this guy.

And Finally… I thought I’d give you the heads up on a couple of things I’m up to. This Weds 4th Aug, I will be on the Becky Want radio show on BBC Radio Manchester, a little after 4pm, talking about public transport. 

And I will be doing 4 nights at the Edinburgh Fest from Thurs 19th Aug-Sun 22nd. The show is called ‘Argos Catalogue of Disasters’. It will feature fellow comic poets Marvin Cheeseman and Steve Rooney. If you are at the fest (or know someone who is) for these dates, come along and the best thing it is Free. For more info click here. Cheers

                                                        Til Next week, Stay safe!

(original post 2/8/10)