Co-written by Boris Johnson

After Boris Johnson failed to appear on the Channel 4 leaders’ debate on the climate, some say the biggest issue facing the planet, I wondered what Boris Johnson would care enough about to bother himself to turn up. Thankfully Boris Johnson was able to help me, by providing many of the words.

Boris Johnson doesn’t care about the climate.
He doesn’t care about “piccanninies with watermelon smiles”.
He doesn’t care about “bum boys in tank-tops”.
He doesn’t care about Muslim women looking like “letterboxes” or “bank robbers”.

Boris Johnson doesn’t care for the truth.
He doesn’t care about misleading the Queen,
or unlawfully proroguing Parliament.
He doesn’t care about Brexit (2 articles written)
He doesn’t care about businesses (“fcuk business)

Boris Johnson doesn’t care about Hillsborough.
He doesn’t care about the “drunk, criminal, feckless” working classes,
or the “irresponsible” single mums.
He doesn’t care about Nazanin,
He doesn’t care about the NHS.

Boris Johnson doesn’t care about how many children he’s fathered.
He doesn’t care about spilling wine on the sofa.
He doesn’t care about me
and he doesn’t care about you.

Boris Johnson only cares for Boris Johnson.

@anunknowncomic

 

 

Have you been sacked & then promoted?

I’m surprised more hasn’t been made of Boris Johnson’s cabinet appointments of Dominic ‘contempt of parliament’ Cummings, Priti ‘trade deals on hols’ Patel & Gavin ‘national security’ Williamson. Does this happen in the real world, have you been sacked only to go back to the same company a few months later in a more senior position? Let me know via the comments button or @anunknowncomic Thanks.
if you like my #1minblog you may like my comedy podcast.

Meritocracy??

If the likes of Dominic Raab, Chris Grayling, Esther McVey or Boris Johnson were black and gained their senior positions within government via a positive action scheme, people would highlight their many deficiencies and say ‘this is what happens when people don’t get their job on merit’. With this in mind, did the above people get their jobs on merit?

@anunknowncomic

Should you have time, have a listen to my comedy prongcast. Thanks.

Taking your broom to Clapham

Hola. Hope you are well.

So Boris Johnson wants to become a MP (he probably would like to be Prime Minister).

As he looks to the future, I thought it might be nice to look back on his role as Mayor of London and the job he’s done. A job he’s held since 2008.

Despite living in London for almost 4 years I couldn’t think of his main achievements. I do remember that after the London riots he did take his broom to Clapham to help with the clean up. When I say help, he turned up, got chastised by the public and then left again but for the purpose of this blog let’s just stick with help.

I’m hoping you can help me by answering the question, What has Boris Johnson done for London? You can contact me via the comments button or on twitter @anunknowncomic

Til next time, stay safe!

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