What could have been

The other day my old world met with my current one as I escorted GCSE students to Poetry Live, where they could see what successful poets look like.
At the event Carol Ann Duffy explained how she completes a poem. She will write a draft and then about 6 re-writes. If she’s not busy (doing other things like Poetry Live) that will take about a week. These days with my lack of time and other commitments, it takes me about 2 years to finish a poem. That’s just one of the many reasons I was in the audience and not on the stage.
Have a listen to my comedy prongcast. Cheers
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It could be you

Hola. Hope you are well.

Over the last couple of weeks there’s been newspaper stories of two couples who have split up after massive lottery wins (Adrian and Gillian Bayford £148m and Dave and Angela Dawes £101m).

The other day I was thinking about this and because ‘Her With One Part-time Job’ was the only other person in the room, I asked her, ‘How much money she would be prepared to win but as a result it would mean we split up’. Apparently this isn’t an appropriate question to ask a long-term partner, but don’t let me put you off, try it with your other-half.

Let me know how you get on, you can contact me via the comments button.

Til next time, stay safe!

@anunknowncomic

Prongcasts

Hello Ma’am

The Queen

Hola. Hope you are well.

After the last couple of weeks, when I’ve spotted Johnny Bramwell and Carol Ann Duffy, this week I can’t say I’ve spotted any semi-famous people.

This week gone, has been the usual varied affair. ‘Her With One Permanent Job’ and I ventured down to ‘that there London’ to view flats. I imagine normal people allocate a reasonable amount of time to do this, we gave ourselves one day to find a flat. I imagine in the very near future, ‘Find a Flat in a Day’ will be an ITV programme. Just remember where you heard it first. Anyway, against the odds we found a flat to rent, so hopefully the paper work will go through without a hitch. All we need now is someone to agree to move into the flat we currently live in, cos paying two sets of rent would be ridiculous, even for us.

The move is a little disconcerting, especially when you consider that the Queen is struggling to make ends meet in London (see here). If she is struggling, what chance has ‘an unknown comedian’. Having said that, we will not be living in a palace. If you are reading this Ma’am, there is a one bedroom flat in Sth Manchester that’s going. You may not be able to bring Philip or the Corgis and you may need a reference but the costs will be significantly lower.

With money issues at the forefront of my mind, I’ve set out to change my finances for the better. Firstly, I did something I wouldn’t normally do, I entered a competition on daytime TV. I entered ‘This Morning’s’ Pay your rent or mortgage for a year competition. Thankfully I was able to identify, Home is where the ‘Heart’ is, as opposed to the other options, Stomach and Hand. I’ve not heard back from This Morning yet, but I’ll be sure to let you know if and when I win.

The second thing I did was to start writing up a CV. Doing a CV isn’t as easy as it sounds, for a start there are conflicting views on the Internet. For example, do you do a 1 or 2 page CV, do you write it in the first  or third person. (I’m going for a 2 page and in the third person should anyone care). It’s also not easy trying to describe how the skills you’ve learnt as an unknown comedian are relevant in the modern workforce.

And Finally… my fortunes maybe on the up. I was at the bus stop on Sat morning, on the way to the radio show and glanced down. Something made me look more closely at the pavement, I don’t know what. Anyway I picked up a tightly rolled up piece of paper, unrolled it and to my surprise it was a ten pound note. Why it was tightly rolled, I’ve no idea.

I’m sure most normal people would have just pocketed the money and been happy with that, but here are some of the thoughts that went through my head. Firstly, I thought has someone just dropped it, but no one else was at the bus stop, so that wasn’t likely. Then I thought had I dropped it, but I don’t roll up my money in such a way. Then I thought, is it a fake. Then I got happy, thinking I’d found a tenner, but then I felt a bit bad thinking someone had lost ten pounds. My final thought on the matter was, I wonder if I can make a living from finding money. What other mid-thirties man thinks that finding money is a viable way of making a living. I doubt Duncan Bannatyne would invest in such a business, let me know for sure, if you’re reading this Duncan.

I wonder who will contact me first Duncan Bannatyne or the Queen.

Til next week, stay safe!

A state of flux

carol ann duffy

Hola. I hope you are well.

I’m writing this week’s post in a state of flux, (this isn’t in America) everything is currently up in the air. The reason being ‘Her With One Permanent Job’  has a new permanent job, but this time in the sleepy village that is London. So we are in the process of trying to find a flat in London, whilst trying to sort out the flat we are in, in the hope someone will move in soon, so we can stop paying rent on this place.

With moving it will mean giving up reviewing the newspapers on Sam Walker’s BBC Radio M’cr show, which is a shame, but the good news is that I should be on air til Nov 20th as I will be remaining in M’cr til Nov as I have work commitments this end. Like most things in my life I didn’t plan this move, but I did always joke that in my search to remain underground, that as soon as the BBC moved to Manchester, I would move to London, Little did I know this would actually happen. If I knew the things I said in jest would come true I would have thought harder about the things I joked about.

In other news, I think I saw 2 famous people in the last week. I definitely saw Carol Ann Duffy earlier today, walking in Didsbury. To any poetry fans who viewed this it must have been very exciting to see the Poet Laureate and someone else who does a bit of poetry in the same eye line.

The other famous person I saw, or thought I saw was Johnny Bramwell, the lead singer of ‘I am Kloot’, in a bank in Chorlton. I was transferring money from one account to another and he was paying some money into someone else’s account. I was alerted to him when I heard the bloke at the next counter say, “I’m a musician” then I heard him spell out his surname and I think he spelt out Bramwell, (I’m not great when people either spell their name out or say their tel no. quickly) so I’m presuming it was him. It may be a long shot but if you are Johnny Bramwell and you are reading this, then feel free to let us know if this was you. Cheers.

And Finally… Last year we bought a cheap kettle for the flat (under £5). We did spend about £50 in total at the supermarket so don’t think we are proper cheapskates, even if we are. Anyway just a few days before the year’s Warranty/Guarantee (I never know which is which) was up, the kettle stopped working properly. It would boil the water but would not switch off. Luckily we still had the receipt, so I took it back to the supermarket and exchanged it for an equally cheap kettle, but because I didn’t have the original box, the woman at customer services said she would have to take the new kettle out of the box and I would have to carry it home in my bag. The stupid thing is didn’t really care about the box until she said I couldn’t have the box and then all I could think of was, why didn’t she just give me the box.  The good news was she struggled immensely with the sellotape when opening the box. So overall I think I shaded this exchange on points. 

Til next week, stay safe!