This hasn’t been widely reported but I was going to be the poet at Joe Biden‘s inauguration. He wanted me to do my poems ‘Ham’, ‘Jam’ & ‘Spam’ as he saw them as a symbol of hope, showing that despite America currently being divided all Americans have the potential to come together as sandwich fillers. However due to Covid19 I wasn’t able to travel, so they gave the gig to some young poet (I’m not sure what happened to her). Should the pandemic be resolved in 2025 I’m sure I’ll get an invite from President Ivanka.
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My boy likes to hoover so I’ve incorporated it into the long afternoons when I’m looking after him. I don’t know if domestic chores is on any early years curriculum or if it has developmental benefits but the flat is cleaner. Feel free to let me know what everyday things you’ve been able to convince your children are fun. Contact me via the comments buttton or @anunknowncomic Cheers.
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Last week at work the boy I support went to the cinema but I wasn’t allowed to go. Instead I worked with the Yr 8s. At one point a boy asked “What I was doing for Christmas”? I said, I’ll be travelling the world delivering presents.” He continued, “Are you Santa?” I followed that with, “I’ve said too much.” He then said, “Is that why you have white in your beard?” I instantly put him on the naughty list.
The CEO of McDonald’s, Steve Easterbrook has had to step down after having a consensual relationship with an employee as it goes against company policy. Do you have anything like this at your place of work? I know at my work you have to tell them when you hook up with a colleague, which would put me off. Plus at what stage do you tell them, after a kiss or when you have your first child together? Feel free to let me know via the comments button or @anunknowncomic Cheers
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If you’re ill would you
a) do nothing and hope it goes away
b) ring 111
c) go to the pharmacy
d) attempt to see your GP
e) go to A&E
f) ask Alexa
Let me know via the comments button or @anunknowncomic
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I was in a playground this morning, when a man outside the playground asked if he could use my phone to ring his friend. He tried to reassure me everything was above board by saying I could keep hold of the phone. There was nothing about him or his request that made me think this would be a good idea so I lied and said I’d left my phone at home but was I right? Have you ever lent your phone to a stranger and it turned out well? Maybe that’s how you met your wife/husband etc… Feel free to let me know via the comments button or @anunknowncomic
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I spend a lot of time in playgrounds (I HAVE A YOUNG CHILD). A large part of that time is spent pushing my boy on the swing. This time has in no way been wasted time as it’s enabled me to witness the different techniques at play. People either push from behind, the front or stand at the side and swing the chain. Which is your preference? For what it’s worth I’m firmly in the push from behind camp. Feel free to let me know your thoughts, either via the comments button or @anunknowncomic
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Arron Banks gave Nigel Farage £450 000 to ‘fund his lavish lifestyle’.
a) Is this odd?
b) What does Arron get out of this arrangement?
c) How much would you give me to fund my less than lavish lifestyle?
d) Should I become friends with Arron?
e) Why does Arron spell his name with 2 Rs like no other Aaron?
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Great news. 3Prong Attack the #prongcast I co-present have won the rights to the leadership debate – the Lib Dem leadership debate. We haven’t worked out the format yet but we’ve only got one mic & we need to be near a plug socket due to the short battery life of Prong2’s laptop. Still it can’t be any worse than the BBC’s effort.
My current financial strategy is based around the fact the football season has now ended. This means I won’t be watching any matches in the pub and spending £6.60 on my pint and a half per game (2 pints if I’m treating myself). The only problem with this strategy is the time I would have been in the pub will no doubt be swapped for family time which is likely to cost me more than £6.60.
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