Nigel or Keith?

New parents are not giving their newborns the names Nigel & Keith. It begs the question, if you could save one of these names which one would it be? Let me know via the comments button or @anunknowncomic

It’s also made me wonder if Keith Farage would have helped secure Brexit or would Nigel Chegwin have presented The Naked Jungle in the buff? We may never know.

Have a listen to my comedy prongcast.

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Anti Rata.

Pro Rata… What’s that all about???

Why don’t organisations just tell you what you will earn for that job?

I have heard it said it’s so you can see what you would get if you worked full-time. What’s the point in that when you’re not going to be working full-time. It would be just as relevant as me touching up a picture to make me look
6 ft 4 with blue eyes and blonde hair. Both scenarios only have a passing relationship with reality.

@anunknowncomic

Have a listen to my comedy prongcast. Thanks

Pop Poetry

My management team have told me I should start writing poetry again. They’ve assured me there’s money in it and my brand of pop poetry (easily accessible) will go down well. So I went off to a writing retreat (my bedroom) to come up with the future of poetry. The only problem was that for some reason that I’ve yet to workout why the  subjects I was coming up with were, losing in life, being skint and getting old.

I’m not sure how my management team will view them.

@anunknowncomic

Have a listen to my comedy prongcasts. Cheers

Jobs for the boy.

My one year boy has just started taking his first tentative steps. He is however good at kicking a ball whilst holding my hand. With this in mind I was wondering what’s the earliest age Premier League clubs offer parents a ‘financial inducement’ to join their academy. The sooner the better from my perspective.

If not a Premier League footballer, I’m thinking a forensics officer as he has an inbuilt ability to find the smallest of bits. There would be some danger that the evidence would end up in his mouth but I suppose that’s the risk of employing toddlers.

@unknowncomic

Have a listen to my comedy prongcast. Thanks.

One higher than mute.

I managed to work out (I read the instructions) how to turn off the flashing lights and transmission  noise on the baby monitor.

It was quite reassuring having the noise, just so we knew it was working but at night it impacted on my sleep. Now I can have uninterrupted sleep, unless the baby wakes, I need the toilet, or as is happening I wake anyway as my sleep pattern is all over the place.

Talking of baby monitors, you can set the volume at 1. Who sets their baby monitor at 1? Surely it’s either set high or in the middle, not one higher than mute. Should you set it at 1 feel free to contact me via the comments button or @anunknowncomic

Listen to my comedy prongcast. Thanks.

A progressive alliance

A minority government sounds like it should be really progressive. A government that includes black people, asian people and people from other ethnic groupings, people with disabilities and people who identify as LGBTQI.

Instead it’s what happens when the Conservatives do a bit rubbish at an election.

@anunknowncomic

Have a listen to my comedy prongcast. Cheers