Tom Watson has written a novel. This is in addition to his weight loss book, ‘Downsizing’. It begs the question, how did he find the time to do all this writing? Up until recently he was the deputy leader of the Labour party, surely his waking hours were taken up with thoughts of how they could win an election not character arcs. I know I don’t have time to write and I finish work at 3:15.
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After Boris Johnson failed to appear on the Channel 4 leaders’ debate on the climate, some say the biggest issue facing the planet, I wondered what Boris Johnson would care enough about to bother himself to turn up. Thankfully Boris Johnson was able to help me, by providing many of the words.
Boris Johnson doesn’t care about the climate.
He doesn’t care about “piccanninies with watermelon smiles”.
He doesn’t care about “bum boys in tank-tops”.
He doesn’t care about Muslim women looking like “letterboxes” or “bank robbers”.
Boris Johnson doesn’t care for the truth.
He doesn’t care about misleading the Queen,
or unlawfully proroguing Parliament.
He doesn’t care about Brexit (2 articles written)
He doesn’t care about businesses (“fcuk business)
Boris Johnson doesn’t care about Hillsborough.
He doesn’t care about the “drunk, criminal, feckless” working classes,
or the “irresponsible” single mums.
He doesn’t care about Nazanin,
He doesn’t care about the NHS.
Boris Johnson doesn’t care about how many children he’s fathered.
He doesn’t care about spilling wine on the sofa.
He doesn’t care about me
and he doesn’t care about you.
Boris Johnson only cares for Boris Johnson.
The other week I managed to lose my bag with an unusually high percentage of my writing in it.
Find out more from 16mins 30. I’m trying to be positive and see it as an opportunity to do other things. However I may just be masking the pain of overseeing another chapter of failure. Of course if it were an actual chapter it would no doubt have been in the bag.
David Cameron didn’t write his memoir in his £25 000 shed as was previously thought, instead he wrote it in his mansion. (that must have been nice)
I also read that Maya Angelou would book a hotel room and each morning leave her home and write at the hotel.
Assuming you’re a writer and you don’t have a mansion, or can’t afford to book hotel rooms on a daily basis, where do you write? Feel free to let me know via the comments button or @anunknowncomic Thanks.
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In an attempt to get better quality sleep (I can get to sleep quite easily but I wake a few hours later) I’ve decided to increase the time between using a screen (computer/phone) and me going to bed.
One problem with this is the only time I have to do my own thing is after my boy goes to bed and I go to bed, a time that is getting shorter & shorter. It’s also a time that is also filled with eating dinner, loading the dishwasher and making lunch/ironing clothes for work.
Having said that, the work I currently do in this time has never led to anything so maybe it won’t be too much of a sacrifice.
Feel free to let me know the amount of time you leave between last using a screen and going to bed. Cheers.
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Apparently we’re currently experiencing a resurgence in poetry. This by my reckoning/The Guardian is the second such resurgence in just under 10 years. Naturally I have not been involved in either resurgence but should I ever return to world of spoken word, it’s safe to say that it will be the beginning of the end for poetry. And I don’t want to worry anyone riding the gravy train that is poetry but over the last couple of years I’ve built up a mini collection of new poems…. Watch this space!!
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Thanks largely to Facebook I’ve had the recent realisation that all my creative peers have now passed me. They are either getting represented by management, doing one person shows, bringing out books, performing abroad, appearing on Radio 4 and meeting their heroes.
Perhaps the only one of my contemporaries that hasn’t overtaken me is probably Prong2 and that might only because he does a #prongcast with me.
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My management team have told me I should start writing poetry again. They’ve assured me there’s money in it and my brand of pop poetry (easily accessible) will go down well. So I went off to a writing retreat (my bedroom) to come up with the future of poetry. The only problem was that for some reason that I’ve yet to workout why the subjects I was coming up with were, losing in life, being skint and getting old.
I’m not sure how my management team will view them.
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It’s only taken 4 years but the comedy prongcast (podcast) I do 3Prong Attack has passed 10 000 listens (this doesn’t include the 1000+ downloads). Thanks to anyone who’s listened.
In other stats based news, the football blog I write has seen its best monthly figures of the year. Working in education as I do, August has also seen me on my summer holidays which may have had something to do with these improved figures. Perhaps this is a sign I should take September off. The only problem with this, is that like Snapchat I’ve yet to find a way to monetise my online popularity and without September’s wage I may struggle to eat and pay bills. It’s something to ponder.
When I used to do poetry workshops in prisons before and after 2010 there were definitely less riots and general violence in prisons.
Some people might say this is because the government have cut the number of prison officers. Others may point to the fact experienced officers have been replaced with young and inexperienced officers, who are unable to deal as effectively with such circumstances. Some may say that the above reasons has meant that prisoners are being locked up for upto 23 hours a day leading to justified resentment. Others may say we send too many people to prison in the first place.
I on the other hand am saying the increase in prison violence is down to my lack of poetry workshops. So confident of my abilities that during the next prison riots I want the governor to ring me and I will guarantee to calm the situation within 2 hours with a mix of word association games and a few clever rhymes. I await the call.
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