Where do you write?

David Cameron didn’t write his memoir in his £25 000 shed as was previously thought, instead he wrote it in his mansion. (that must have been nice)

I also read that Maya Angelou would book a hotel room and each morning leave her home and write at the hotel.

Assuming you’re a writer and you don’t have a mansion, or can’t afford to book hotel rooms on a daily basis, where do you write? Feel free to let me know via the comments button or @anunknowncomic Thanks.

Should you have 32 mins spare, check out my comedy prongcast. Cheers.

Home the heroes?

Hola. Hope you are well.

I struggle a bit with factual books but occasionally I dip into one. The other week I read some of Hope and Glory by Stuart Maconie.

There’s a section in the book where he writes about the Battle of the Somme, where more than 19 000 British Soldiers died on the first day alone. One soldier who survived the Somme was William Towers, but in so doing, lost a leg. On his return to England, he recalls how a man in the street looked him up and down and said, “I suppose you’ll be living off other people’s generosity for the rest of your life”.

A few pages later, Maconie references how immediately after the end of the First World War, the ‘wounded and damaged men’ were having trouble surviving financially and without jobs and with no welfare system, many ex soldiers were forced to beg on the street.

In 2013, it was revealed that 9000 ex soldiers were homeless (they also made up 10% of the prison population). In 2014 Evgeny Lebedev, owner of The Independent and London Evening Standard, set up a charity Homeless Veterans to help those ex serviceman that have fallen on hard times.

Whatever you think of war and military intervention, (it should be the very last option) does it not seem odd that we are relying on charity to help people who have fought in the name of this country? You might think the government would have some provisions in place to help them.

Apparently not because in Nov 2014 David Cameron, gave his backing to the charity. Unless I’m mistaken he’s the Prime Minister, is he not in a position to do more than merely backing a charity. After all some of these ex service people will have gone into conflict on his say so.

Til next time, be nice to each other.


If you have time, have a listen to my comedy podcast. Cheers

Ukip or Golf?

Hola. Hope you are well.

In case you’ve missed it it’s been the conference season in politics.

At the Labour party conference, Ed Miliband delivered a 65 min speech from memory, unfortunately for Ed he forgot to mention the deficit and immigration. The media suggested that if he forgot these topics they couldn’t be important to him.

In the spirit of fairness, I feel that I should mention that a couple of years ago David Cameron forgot his child in a pub. I certainly won’t mention however that at the Conservative party conference, Cameron said he ‘resents the poor’.

Ukip also held their conference. Despite them not having any MPs, the media still seemed very interested in what they had to say. Their conference happened to be on at the same time as the Ryder Cup. It struck me at the time, that Ukip and golf aren’t to everyone’s taste. So with this in mind, Ukip or Golf? You can let me know via the comments button or on twitter @anunknowncomic

Til next time, stay safe!



A template for a new kind of politics

Hola. Hope you are well.

I have to say I’m quite enjoying the Scottish referendum. I won’t be getting the box set but I have been dipping in and out.

I mainly like all the subplots. For example, over the last week the No campaign has ramped up the scaremongering. Having heard what they’ve been saying, I’m surprised any country is able to survive without England’s input, never mind Scotland.

I also like how the No campaign got so spooked that they sent Cameron, Clegg and Milliband up to Scotland, to presumably show the people of Scotland what they’ll be missing out on if they vote yes.

Having said this, if Scotland were to vote for independence, I wouldn’t rely on Alex Salmond or other politicians to solely govern. I’d use it as an opportunity to ensure the people in power are more representative of the people they serve. Getting people from all backgrounds and experiences involved.

In fact, regardless of a Yes or No vote, this should be the template for a new kind of politics.

Alternatively, if as the MANY polls indicate the result is too close to call, perhaps instead of having people vote and then counting the votes they should save time and just toss a coin. Naturally it’d be best of 3 otherwise that would make a mockery of democracy.

Til next time, stay safe!



How not to make friends

Hola. Hope you are well.

I’m gearing up, to go back to work tomorrow (school). You know how it is, you have six weeks off and then you’ve got to go back to work. How not to make friends.

I’m not going to dwell on what’s happening in Syria, but not only did the vote in the House of Commons go against him, David Cameron also had to cut short his 4th holiday of the year.

So with this in mind, when have you had to cut your holiday short and why? Hopefully nothing too serious. You can let me know via the comments button.

I’ve never had to quit a holiday early but I did once arrange to come back from one so I could do a gig. Naturally the gig got cancelled.

Til next time, stay safe!



Don’t believe everything you read in the papers, even if it’s true


Hola. I hope you are all well.

I was doing a poetry workshop this morning, which means it delayed this blog. Can you believe this thing called work has impinged on this blog? I must do something about this.

I also feel I must apologise for the fact that David Cameron is not doing the blog this week. I did say in last week’s post that I was going to get the PM to be a guest blogger. Unfortunately he couldn’t make it, I think he’s in India upsetting the Pakistanis.

In last week’s post I also jokingly said the ‘Big Society’ may result in the women from the local Bridge club becoming prostitutes. I was contacted by a lady at my local Bridge club who assured me her ladies had no intention of becoming prostitutes. All I can do at this stage is to apologise for any confusion and to warn you that this probably applies to the women at your local bridge club. Hope that clears that up.

Also on last week’s blog I mentioned how I had been doing some re-pointing at my mum’s house. Well it’s kind of taken over my daily thoughts. I’ll be out and about analysing walls and at times horrified at how decayed some of these bricks are. This can’t be right for a man in his mid-thirties. Aren’t I supposed to be thinking of sex every 7 seconds not trowels and cement?

I had some good news last week. Well, initially it was good news but then it turned a little sour. The good news was I made it into my local newspaper, the South Manchester Reporter. It was a nice article and even made me seem like a go getting writer and performer. The only problem (not for me) was that in the article it described me as single, which technically I am as I’m not married. This however didn’t go  down well with ‘Her With One Permanent Job’s’ Nana, who appears to think I’m using my new found fame (the local paper) as a way of attracting the ladies, if you know what I mean. Admittedly I am a hunk of burning love and added with this media spotlight, I can see why she might be concerned for her Granddaughter. But to be honest I haven’t got the time, the money, or the inclination to be dating scores of women. Maybe I have the time but the other 2 factors remain true.

Plus these women are only attracted to people more famous than me. If a woman is willing to sleep with me because she thinks I can open doors to the world of showbiz, she’s either deluded or lacking in ambition. There’s plenty of famous comedians out there, with a reputation for womanizing that these women could take advantage of, such as this guy.

And Finally… I thought I’d give you the heads up on a couple of things I’m up to. This Weds 4th Aug, I will be on the Becky Want radio show on BBC Radio Manchester, a little after 4pm, talking about public transport. 

And I will be doing 4 nights at the Edinburgh Fest from Thurs 19th Aug-Sun 22nd. The show is called ‘Argos Catalogue of Disasters’. It will feature fellow comic poets Marvin Cheeseman and Steve Rooney. If you are at the fest (or know someone who is) for these dates, come along and the best thing it is Free. For more info click here. Cheers

                                                        Til Next week, Stay safe!

(original post 2/8/10)

It’s just another brick in the wall

brick work

Hola. Hope you are well.

About this time last year I started doing some pointing at my mum’s house, well a year later I’m back there continuing the job. I don’t know what it is about this time of year that makes me think I should do pointing. Maybe it will become a family tradition, something to rival Christmas. Just to clarify, when I say I’m pointing, I mean doing brick work and not just being really observant.

And before you ask, I’m not doing this because I’ve been inspired by David Cameron’s ‘Big Society’ which I’ve got to say is a ridiculous idea. For those that are unsure what the Big Society is, (which probably includes politicians) David Cameron wants people to take control of their community by volunteering in different areas. One example given, is for locals to take over the running of their pub. Which seems like a very sensible idea because if your local landlord/lady can’t make the pub work despite having years of experience in the licensing industry, you and your mates are bound to make a success of it.

Allied with the cuts that are on the way, it will mean we are going to be removing qualified people and replacing them with well-meaning volunteers. It’s like Man Utd replacing Wayne Rooney with the 65 yr old who currently works at B&Q or ‘street walkers’ being replaced by the ladies from the local bridge society. So with this spirit of people doing jobs that they are unqualified to do, next week David Cameron will be doing this blog and Nick Clegg will be running the country.

Another ‘politician’ making the news last week was the BNP’s Nick Griffin, who was invited to the Queen’s Garden party along with others, in his capacity as a MEP. He then got uninvited, the official reason given, was that he was using the event to promote his political views and this wasn’t the arena for such a thing. However I think, the Queen thought, ‘I don’t want to be pictured with a man prone to coming out with racist remarks’. Let me clarify this, I imagine having had to go on many foreign trips with Prince Philip, she didn’t want to be pictured with another man who may come out with racist remarks.

Onto lighter stuff. I was flicking through the Royal Exchange listings brochure (I’ve changed). I was happily flicking through looking at all the different events and then what should I see but this. It was for an event called Speakeasy. For those who don’t know, I’m a member of this collective (I’m far right in the pic) and yet I had no idea about this event. Let me know if anything like this has happened to you. Have you ever found something out about yourself that unbeknown to you was actually public knowledge? (Feel free to use the comments button to let us know, cheers)

And Finally…. I ended up watching 3 films over the weekend, ‘Changing Lanes’,‘Catch me if you can’ and ‘Up in the air’. The first two I’d seen before, which does seem a little bit like a waste of my time but when you’re sat on the sofa and there’s much else on, what can you do. ‘Catch me if you can’ follows Leonardo Dicaprio’s character who is a con man (con boy). Watching it did make me want to become a con man. If anyone from any law enforcement agency is reading this, I’m not actually going to pursue this an option. And ‘Up in the Air’ with George Clooney is a good couple movie, because it’s slush enough for the chicks but not too unbearable for us blokes. For any more film advice, do not hesitate to ask. Cheers.

                                                           Til next week, stay safe!
(original post 26/7/10)

A Con-Dem Nation

dave and nick

Hola. I hope you are all well. If you’re wondering why today’s post is so late in the day, it’s partly because ‘Her With One Permanent Job’ (HWOPJ) took a day off work to recover from running the Great Manchester Run and so we ended up going to the park and eating ‘middle class foods’ as part of a picnic.

In other equally important news, we finally have a government in place, a Con-Dem coalition. What strikes me about Nick Clegg and David (just call me Dave) Cameron is that they look quite similar. So I thought as they are now officially a double act they should now amalgamate their names like Jedward, who took the ‘J’ from John and the ‘Edward’ from Edward to form Jedward. So I think we should take the ‘D’ from David and the ‘ick‘ from Nick to come up with ‘DICK’. I’ll pass this idea onto them, I’ll let you know how that goes.

On last week’s post I mentioned how I had to hot foot it to Liverpool Lime St to catch the last train back to Manchester as it left at 23:38. So I decided to be proactive and I sent an email to the train company to suggest they put on a later train. I’ve yet to hear from them.

With this spirit of rebellion and mischief running through me I decided to email my local MP, who is a Lib Dem, to express my disappointment that his party has got into bed with the Conservatives. In his defence he has responded. I’m yet to respond to his comments, (I’m a busy man, picnics etc…) but I will. I’ll let you know how it goes. The funniest thing about this is that ‘HWOPJ’ emailed the MP before I did but has yet to receive a response. The only thing I can conclude from this, is that I am more important than she is. Ha Ha!!!

And Finally…If you want to get a better understanding of who I am, then the following probably best sums me up. Ages ago I agreed to do a rare stand up gig (at the Iguana bar, Chorlton on 24th May). At the time I said to myself I should prepare my set a month in advance since I rarely do stand up, that way I can learn it and make sure I put on a good show. Fast forward to a month before the gig, did I start writing the set, no, 3 weeks before the gig, no, surely 2 weeks before the gig, NO.  So today, prior to the picnic, I wrote a rough version of the set. So if anyone reading this is contemplating coming to the gig, remember a man falling flat on his ass, can still be comedy. (for more info about the gig)

                                                     Til Next Week, Stay Safe!
(original post 17/5/10)