Human Rohypnol

Jedward

Hola. Hope you are well.

I’ve had another varied week. For starters, I performed my comedy poems for the first time since moving to London, but typically of me, I wasn’t doing them in London where there are numerous places I could perform them but 100 miles away in Norwich.

I was performing as part of my friend Tom’s show, ‘Normal Service will be Resumed Shortly’, in fact I headlined the show. I think partly because I chose to stay over in Norwich whilst the other acts on the bill had to drive back to London and so had to leave early. Although when I come to update my biography I won’t mention this fact about the other acts and will just put ‘headline act at the Norwich Fringe Festival’.

Whilst at Tom’s flat, he cooked me a nice vegetarian curry, which meant I’d had 4 vegetarian meals in the same week. including 3 in a row. This from a man who used to have a slogan, ‘no meal is complete, without meat’. It started on Monday when ‘Her With One Permanent Job’ was planning on making a Spinach and Chickpea curry, but because we had been out drinking (separately) we ended up having something simple, Pasta and Pesto. Then on Tuesday, we had the Spinach and Chickpea curry. On Wednesday we forgot to take any meat out of the freezer, and because we didn’t have much food in, we had to cobble together a dish, which included the vegetables we had, rice, baked beans and a fresh chilli. I promise you it tasted better than it might sound. So if this week you see chickens and cows aimlessly walking around where you live, that might be the  knock on effect of me having four vegetarian meals.

On last week’s blog I mentioned how my work situation had changed, well last week I did 3 days in a college which caters for children with Special Educational Needs. I was working one to one with the pupils and out of the 3 days I was there I had two pupils fall asleep on my watch. Personally I blame their medication. When it happened on the first day I wasn’t sure what to do, or whether this was accepted behaviour but at the same time I didn’t want to wake him if he was sleeping. So what I did was let him sleep, until someone with authority came near and then I’d nudge him so he’d wake up. It probably didn’t aid my plan to keep his sleeping hidden by the fact he was snoring quite loudly.

I must admit that I have a bit of form with this, as once when I met my female friend (Yin/Jackie) in a pub after she’d had a long day at work, she ended up dosing off, which is never a good look, as people either think you are either really boring or you’ve slipped something into the woman’s drink. She now calls me ‘human rohypnol’ which is not necessarily the best nickname to have attached to you.

And Finally… Onto something bound to make you doze off and that is Eurovision. I’ve not watched Eurovision since I was a child and even then I don’t think I really watched, I was just glad to be allowed to stay up late. I’m not sure how I’ve got away with not having to watch it, but my good fortune ran out on Saturday. All I can say is it was a long 3 and a half hours and after all that, what did I learn? Not much, except Jedward are officially better than Blue.

The only other thing to note about Eurovision was that ‘HWOPJ’s male ‘heterosexual’ friend won money by betting on Azerbaijan to win and yet lost money on the FA Cup Final by backing Stoke. Seriously, what kind of ‘heterosexual’ man knows more about Eurovision than they do about football??

Til next week, stay safe!