It’s not all glamour this showbiz malarkey

william hague and christopher myles

 

Hola. Hope you are well. 

Welcome to my new home. That’s right I’ve moved my blog from its previous home to this one. Don’t worry nothing else will change, it will still be updated on a Monday unless I can’t for whatever reason and it will still contain the usual nonsense. 

I spent most of last week transferring the posts from the old blog to this one, meaning I was sat at the computer for quite a number of hours doing mundane tasks, it was like having a proper job. Naturally it didn’t go smoothly, mainly because I am an idiot and I accidentally saved some posts as drafts and not publishing them as intended. This meant that some posts were out of synch, so I had to delete some posts that I had already taken time and effort to transfer. I’ve said it before and I’ll probably say it again, it’s not all glamour this showbiz malarkey. 

As I was on the computer so much last week and because I get distracted easily, and because I’m a little bit vain, I decided to Google, ‘Argos Catalogue of Disasters’ the title of the Edinburgh Festival show I did with, Marvin Cheesesman and Steve Rooney. Regular readers to this blog will know, it’s not served me well in the past when I’ve actively sought out things about me on the internet. Remember when I spotted this, 

“Julian Daniel attempted to be funny. I don’t think he’s quite there yet; but he could be a good comedian in the end. Though not a poet, despite his “funny” verses.” 

Anyway, knowing this I still did it, so I wonder what that says about me. To my surprise and a little trepidation I saw ‘Argos Catalogue of Disasters’ was attached to a Guardian article. I clicked on and it was an article about comedians who do poetry and poets that do comedy, or something like that, I didn’t really read the article, I was trying to find out what was said about the show. We weren’t in the main article but we were in the comments section (see here, scroll down to McMole 28th Aug 11:16AM). I won’t give it away as to whether it was positive or negative feedback but I will say, “Thanks for slagging us of McMole”/”Thanks for the kind words McMole” (delete where applicable). 

Talking of newspapers I made it into my local newspaper the South Manchester Reporter in a section called Who’s Who? it’s where local movers and shakers (and unknown comedians) answer a series of questions about Manchester. It was a nice write-up and it’s always good to get a bit of publicity but it’s interesting how taking out one word can change the whole meaning of a sentence. For example, one of the questions they asked me was “What would be the best thing that could happen to Manchester in the future?” I wrote in my original response, “It would be nice if Man City got some financial backing”. The joke being, Man City are the richest club in the World. However, it appeared in the article as “It would be nice if Manchester got some financial backing”, which makes me sound as if I’m concerned about the funding streams for Manchester council, which I’m not. Not to worry. 

Now on to politics, as it was a busy week for politics what with Tony Blair’s book coming out. It’s cover price is £25 that’s TWENTY FIVE of your hard earned English pounds. In the book, he reveals that he had a fractious relationship with Gordon Brown, who knew? He also reveals he doesn’t regret his decision to invade Iraq, who knew. I think he also speculates that the Earth is spherical. That’ll be £25 thanks. 

The other big political news involves William Hague (49) and the fact that he shared hotel rooms with his aide Christopher Myers (24) on a number of occasions whilst on political trips. Some cynical people put 2+2 together and come up with gay. William Hague then felt he had to make a statement to prove he’s not gay, but it’s not easy to prove you’re not something. He then went on to mention his wife and her multiple miscarriages, which I think is over stepping the mark. If you are in the public eye and your other half isn’t I don’t think you should bring them into the public arena. I was explaining this to ‘Her With One Permanent Job’ just the other day. 

And Finally… I was watching a programme, ‘My favourite Year’, the year in question was 2000. In it, it mentioned Tony Martin who was convicted after shooting and killing an intruder. It also mentioned Barry George who was sent down for the murder of Jill Dando (he was acquitted of this in 2008 after a retrial). I think the one thing we can learn from these 2 things is that we shouldn’t trust people with two first names.  

Til next week, stay safe! 

Julian Daniel

What do you have to do to get attention

elin and tiger woods

Hola. Hope you are well and had a good Bank holiday weekend.

I’ve had a relatively quiet week, taking it easy after Edinburgh. I had one writing workshop to do and I also went to an actual football match in an actual football stadium. During the workshop I had one of those ‘little victories’ that I believe life is built upon. I had to get the people attending the workshop to describe an activity they do as if it were a recipe, which isn’t something you do everyday. After they did this, I asked them, “How did they find that”? As the words were leaving my mouth, I did start thinking, is this a good question to ask, as it does leave me open to negative feedback. It’s one of the reasons I don’t ask the question “Do you love me”? The other reason I don’t ask that question, is that I’M NOT A WOMAN.

Anyway back to the workshop, after a brief pause, one of the attendees said, “It was difficult, but due to the exercises I’d set, he was able to do it.” Then like that scene in Spartacus, others stepped forward and said similar things. This was nice, especially as the person who booked me was in the room. It made me look like someone who knows what he is doing, which isn’t always how I feel. Like most people, I sometimes feel unsure about my abilities or out of my depth. I imagine most people get like this, Jimi Hendrix at some point probably thought, is the guitar for me, Sir Alex Ferguson from time to time probably questions his ability as a football manager, Nick Clegg probably wakes up every morning and thinks he’s out of his depth as Deputy Leader. Maybe the latter isn’t the best example I could have chosen.

Talking of Edinburgh as I did briefly at the top of the page, I met up with Marvin Cheeseman outside a pub in city centre Manchester last week, to do a cash drop off. To onlookers it probably looked like an unlikely dodgy deal. I mention this meeting because after our successful three dates at the Edinburgh Festival you would think on seeing Marvin and I together people would have been tooting their horns at us, pedestrians would be high fiving us and maybe carrying us on their shoulders through the streets of Manchester. But we got nothing. What do you have to do to get some attention round here, stick a cat in a wheely bin???

Onto other matters, a few weeks ago I mentioned how I had to sit through two soppy movies, ‘Before Sunset’ and ‘Before Sunrise’ (see here). Well I inadvertently got my own back on ‘Her With One Permanent Job’. She likes the Coen brothers’ movies so I got ‘No Country for Old Men’ out of the library, (£1 for a week) all I will say is this isn’t a first date movie. There must be over 20 deaths in this film, including a couple of dogs. I suppose it could be a good drinking game movie, you could take a swig of alcohol every time someone dies. By the end of the film you would be p*ssed, so maybe it would be a good first date movie after all.

And Finally… I never really fancied Elin Woods (Nordegren), that was until last week, when she got her divorce settlement from Tiger. There’s something about a woman inheriting £64m that makes them somewhat alluring. I wonder if she drinks and likes violent movies???

                                                 Til next week (Mon), Stay Safe! 

(original post 31/8/10)

Butt out MC Hammer

peter buckley hill (pbh)

Hola. I’m back from Edinburgh and the Edinburgh Festival. I was only there four nights, but even that took it out of me. That’s the Edinburgh Festival for you. (and getting older)

Now it’s over I can be honest with you. I went there not having a clue how it was going to go. We had a title, ‘Argos Catalogue of Disaters’, a sketchy premise that the show would be about failure and we had a venue courtesy of PBH (see pic above) and his Free Fringe. We were parachuting ourselves into the madness that is the Edinburgh festival, we were only doing 4 shows so had no real opportunity to build momentum, we also had no flyers and we were not in the main festival guide. Out of the three people performing the show 2 had never met before, Steve Rooney and myself, the third Marvin Cheeseman knew both of us.
Steve could only make the middle two dates. So there was great potential for this show to be a disaster, which in many ways would unintentionally fit in with the general theme of the show.

with this is mind, things didn’t get off to a good start, when on the first day, I got a call off Marvin at about 5pm saying he was stuck in Preston, in the worst traffic jam he’s ever been in and that he hadn’t moved for a couple of hours and so he has missed his train and therefore he’s not going to make it for the first show. Apparently the traffic jam was caused by a man threatening to jump off a motorway bridge. So that left one,me, to fill the hour. Sh*t!

Normally, I would have cacked myself but for some reason I was quite calm about this. It probably helped that ‘Her with one permanent job’ and my mate Tom were there to offer support. The show itself was ok, although I did end up doing a lot of chatting to the audience, which turned out to be a good source of humour. Although it did back fire slightly, when after asking one girl from Lithuania a couple of questions she replied by saying, “I’ve not come here to participate in the show”. That was me told.

The second gig was an unmitigated…. success, firstly we had a full complement of performers, and secondly the room was packed. When I say packed, I’m not exaggerating, people were sat on the stairway and some people were even turned away. We also had a woman in the audience with a remarkable laugh, which always adds to any comedy event. When you have these ingredients it’s hard to not to have a good gig and thankfully a good gig is what we had. Even before we’d done the final two shows, I knew this gig would be the highlight of the four.

After the gig we went for a few drinks, one place we went to was an outdoor venue, which outside the festival is just rubble but during the festival is a popular hangout. That’s the Edinburgh Festival for you. We ended the evening at a gay club as you do. After we left and whilst waiting outside the club ‘HWOPJ’s sister was having a ‘discussion’ with a man. So I went over to intervene (only after ‘HWOPJ’ told me to intervene) but before I could say anything, he said, “Butt out MC Hammer”! MC Hammer??? Who references MC Hammer in 2010. Luckily for him I wasn’t up for arguing and being a Sat night ‘HWOPJ’ didn’t have a copy of The Observer handy. (see here)
 
The third gig was quiet but pleasant and the fourth was just under a full house, which made it a good gig to end on. After a shaky start it turned out to be a successful festival for us. Marvin was even making noises about doing a week next year, I should have recovered by then.

                                                                               Til next time, stay safe!
(original post 24/8/10)

Don’t believe everything you read in the papers, even if it’s true

edinburgh

Hola. I hope you are all well.

I was doing a poetry workshop this morning, which means it delayed this blog. Can you believe this thing called work has impinged on this blog? I must do something about this.

I also feel I must apologise for the fact that David Cameron is not doing the blog this week. I did say in last week’s post that I was going to get the PM to be a guest blogger. Unfortunately he couldn’t make it, I think he’s in India upsetting the Pakistanis.

In last week’s post I also jokingly said the ‘Big Society’ may result in the women from the local Bridge club becoming prostitutes. I was contacted by a lady at my local Bridge club who assured me her ladies had no intention of becoming prostitutes. All I can do at this stage is to apologise for any confusion and to warn you that this probably applies to the women at your local bridge club. Hope that clears that up.

Also on last week’s blog I mentioned how I had been doing some re-pointing at my mum’s house. Well it’s kind of taken over my daily thoughts. I’ll be out and about analysing walls and at times horrified at how decayed some of these bricks are. This can’t be right for a man in his mid-thirties. Aren’t I supposed to be thinking of sex every 7 seconds not trowels and cement?

I had some good news last week. Well, initially it was good news but then it turned a little sour. The good news was I made it into my local newspaper, the South Manchester Reporter. It was a nice article and even made me seem like a go getting writer and performer. The only problem (not for me) was that in the article it described me as single, which technically I am as I’m not married. This however didn’t go  down well with ‘Her With One Permanent Job’s’ Nana, who appears to think I’m using my new found fame (the local paper) as a way of attracting the ladies, if you know what I mean. Admittedly I am a hunk of burning love and added with this media spotlight, I can see why she might be concerned for her Granddaughter. But to be honest I haven’t got the time, the money, or the inclination to be dating scores of women. Maybe I have the time but the other 2 factors remain true.

Plus these women are only attracted to people more famous than me. If a woman is willing to sleep with me because she thinks I can open doors to the world of showbiz, she’s either deluded or lacking in ambition. There’s plenty of famous comedians out there, with a reputation for womanizing that these women could take advantage of, such as this guy.

And Finally… I thought I’d give you the heads up on a couple of things I’m up to. This Weds 4th Aug, I will be on the Becky Want radio show on BBC Radio Manchester, a little after 4pm, talking about public transport. 

And I will be doing 4 nights at the Edinburgh Fest from Thurs 19th Aug-Sun 22nd. The show is called ‘Argos Catalogue of Disasters’. It will feature fellow comic poets Marvin Cheeseman and Steve Rooney. If you are at the fest (or know someone who is) for these dates, come along and the best thing it is Free. For more info click here. Cheers

                                                        Til Next week, Stay safe!

(original post 2/8/10)