What do you have to do to get attention

elin and tiger woods

Hola. Hope you are well and had a good Bank holiday weekend.

I’ve had a relatively quiet week, taking it easy after Edinburgh. I had one writing workshop to do and I also went to an actual football match in an actual football stadium. During the workshop I had one of those ‘little victories’ that I believe life is built upon. I had to get the people attending the workshop to describe an activity they do as if it were a recipe, which isn’t something you do everyday. After they did this, I asked them, “How did they find that”? As the words were leaving my mouth, I did start thinking, is this a good question to ask, as it does leave me open to negative feedback. It’s one of the reasons I don’t ask the question “Do you love me”? The other reason I don’t ask that question, is that I’M NOT A WOMAN.

Anyway back to the workshop, after a brief pause, one of the attendees said, “It was difficult, but due to the exercises I’d set, he was able to do it.” Then like that scene in Spartacus, others stepped forward and said similar things. This was nice, especially as the person who booked me was in the room. It made me look like someone who knows what he is doing, which isn’t always how I feel. Like most people, I sometimes feel unsure about my abilities or out of my depth. I imagine most people get like this, Jimi Hendrix at some point probably thought, is the guitar for me, Sir Alex Ferguson from time to time probably questions his ability as a football manager, Nick Clegg probably wakes up every morning and thinks he’s out of his depth as Deputy Leader. Maybe the latter isn’t the best example I could have chosen.

Talking of Edinburgh as I did briefly at the top of the page, I met up with Marvin Cheeseman outside a pub in city centre Manchester last week, to do a cash drop off. To onlookers it probably looked like an unlikely dodgy deal. I mention this meeting because after our successful three dates at the Edinburgh Festival you would think on seeing Marvin and I together people would have been tooting their horns at us, pedestrians would be high fiving us and maybe carrying us on their shoulders through the streets of Manchester. But we got nothing. What do you have to do to get some attention round here, stick a cat in a wheely bin???

Onto other matters, a few weeks ago I mentioned how I had to sit through two soppy movies, ‘Before Sunset’ and ‘Before Sunrise’ (see here). Well I inadvertently got my own back on ‘Her With One Permanent Job’. She likes the Coen brothers’ movies so I got ‘No Country for Old Men’ out of the library, (£1 for a week) all I will say is this isn’t a first date movie. There must be over 20 deaths in this film, including a couple of dogs. I suppose it could be a good drinking game movie, you could take a swig of alcohol every time someone dies. By the end of the film you would be p*ssed, so maybe it would be a good first date movie after all.

And Finally… I never really fancied Elin Woods (Nordegren), that was until last week, when she got her divorce settlement from Tiger. There’s something about a woman inheriting £64m that makes them somewhat alluring. I wonder if she drinks and likes violent movies???

                                                 Til next week (Mon), Stay Safe! 

(original post 31/8/10)

It’s just another brick in the wall

brick work

Hola. Hope you are well.

About this time last year I started doing some pointing at my mum’s house, well a year later I’m back there continuing the job. I don’t know what it is about this time of year that makes me think I should do pointing. Maybe it will become a family tradition, something to rival Christmas. Just to clarify, when I say I’m pointing, I mean doing brick work and not just being really observant.

And before you ask, I’m not doing this because I’ve been inspired by David Cameron’s ‘Big Society’ which I’ve got to say is a ridiculous idea. For those that are unsure what the Big Society is, (which probably includes politicians) David Cameron wants people to take control of their community by volunteering in different areas. One example given, is for locals to take over the running of their pub. Which seems like a very sensible idea because if your local landlord/lady can’t make the pub work despite having years of experience in the licensing industry, you and your mates are bound to make a success of it.

Allied with the cuts that are on the way, it will mean we are going to be removing qualified people and replacing them with well-meaning volunteers. It’s like Man Utd replacing Wayne Rooney with the 65 yr old who currently works at B&Q or ‘street walkers’ being replaced by the ladies from the local bridge society. So with this spirit of people doing jobs that they are unqualified to do, next week David Cameron will be doing this blog and Nick Clegg will be running the country.

Another ‘politician’ making the news last week was the BNP’s Nick Griffin, who was invited to the Queen’s Garden party along with others, in his capacity as a MEP. He then got uninvited, the official reason given, was that he was using the event to promote his political views and this wasn’t the arena for such a thing. However I think, the Queen thought, ‘I don’t want to be pictured with a man prone to coming out with racist remarks’. Let me clarify this, I imagine having had to go on many foreign trips with Prince Philip, she didn’t want to be pictured with another man who may come out with racist remarks.

Onto lighter stuff. I was flicking through the Royal Exchange listings brochure (I’ve changed). I was happily flicking through looking at all the different events and then what should I see but this. It was for an event called Speakeasy. For those who don’t know, I’m a member of this collective (I’m far right in the pic) and yet I had no idea about this event. Let me know if anything like this has happened to you. Have you ever found something out about yourself that unbeknown to you was actually public knowledge? (Feel free to use the comments button to let us know, cheers)

And Finally…. I ended up watching 3 films over the weekend, ‘Changing Lanes’,‘Catch me if you can’ and ‘Up in the air’. The first two I’d seen before, which does seem a little bit like a waste of my time but when you’re sat on the sofa and there’s much else on, what can you do. ‘Catch me if you can’ follows Leonardo Dicaprio’s character who is a con man (con boy). Watching it did make me want to become a con man. If anyone from any law enforcement agency is reading this, I’m not actually going to pursue this an option. And ‘Up in the Air’ with George Clooney is a good couple movie, because it’s slush enough for the chicks but not too unbearable for us blokes. For any more film advice, do not hesitate to ask. Cheers.

                                                           Til next week, stay safe!
(original post 26/7/10)

A Con-Dem Nation

dave and nick

Hola. I hope you are all well. If you’re wondering why today’s post is so late in the day, it’s partly because ‘Her With One Permanent Job’ (HWOPJ) took a day off work to recover from running the Great Manchester Run and so we ended up going to the park and eating ‘middle class foods’ as part of a picnic.

In other equally important news, we finally have a government in place, a Con-Dem coalition. What strikes me about Nick Clegg and David (just call me Dave) Cameron is that they look quite similar. So I thought as they are now officially a double act they should now amalgamate their names like Jedward, who took the ‘J’ from John and the ‘Edward’ from Edward to form Jedward. So I think we should take the ‘D’ from David and the ‘ick‘ from Nick to come up with ‘DICK’. I’ll pass this idea onto them, I’ll let you know how that goes.

On last week’s post I mentioned how I had to hot foot it to Liverpool Lime St to catch the last train back to Manchester as it left at 23:38. So I decided to be proactive and I sent an email to the train company to suggest they put on a later train. I’ve yet to hear from them.

With this spirit of rebellion and mischief running through me I decided to email my local MP, who is a Lib Dem, to express my disappointment that his party has got into bed with the Conservatives. In his defence he has responded. I’m yet to respond to his comments, (I’m a busy man, picnics etc…) but I will. I’ll let you know how it goes. The funniest thing about this is that ‘HWOPJ’ emailed the MP before I did but has yet to receive a response. The only thing I can conclude from this, is that I am more important than she is. Ha Ha!!!

And Finally…If you want to get a better understanding of who I am, then the following probably best sums me up. Ages ago I agreed to do a rare stand up gig (at the Iguana bar, Chorlton on 24th May). At the time I said to myself I should prepare my set a month in advance since I rarely do stand up, that way I can learn it and make sure I put on a good show. Fast forward to a month before the gig, did I start writing the set, no, 3 weeks before the gig, no, surely 2 weeks before the gig, NO.  So today, prior to the picnic, I wrote a rough version of the set. So if anyone reading this is contemplating coming to the gig, remember a man falling flat on his ass, can still be comedy. (for more info about the gig)

                                                     Til Next Week, Stay Safe!
(original post 17/5/10)