Prison and Stripping

peter stringfellow and lady friend

Hola. Hope you are well.

Last week, I spent most of my time in prison or stripping. When I say stripping I do mean wall paper, don’t worry I’ve not started working for Peter Stringfellow.

Aswell as the wall paper stripping I was also hack-sawing a 10m gas flue tube, that the chimney sweep (mentioned in last week’s post) pulled from up the chimney. All this domestic chores coming in the same week Russell Brand got married to pop singer Katy Perry, in India, watched by his showbiz friends, whilst being entertained by P.Diddy does make me question whether I am in the same profession as Russell.

On Thursday I was in a prison all day. I got in at 8:45am and left at 7:45pm and because you are not allowed to take mobile phones into prisons (along with ammunition, explosives, firearms et al) I turned my phone off. When I turned it back on, guess how many txts, missed calls or voice mails I had waiting for me? I’ll tell you, a big fat zero! Not that I mind, as it’s only ever people wanting something from me. The worst thing I can see when I switch my phone on is the voice-mail symbol. Firstly it means I’ll have to pay to retrieve it and secondly someone has not only tried to contact me but what they have to say is important enough to leave a message.

In other news, I’ve been trying to cut down on drinking cups of tea. This is purely on vanity grounds as I’m trying to avoid when possible things that stain my teeth. It’s actually quite hard not drinking tea, it is after all a staple of the British diet. Fortunately for me, I’ve never had to come off cigarettes, alcohol or drugs, but if it’s anything like coming off tea it must be hard. Because once you cut down all you can think about is drinking tea and then you’ve got the pushers offering you ‘cuppas’ all the time.

Some sad news now, as the world of sport and sea creatures, mourns the passing of Paul the Octopus. If you are unsure as to who Paul the Octopus is, he was one of the big successes of the World Cup.  He correctly predicted the results of the Germany games but last week he was no more. I do feel a bit sorry for Paul, as he was just a simple creature going along his daily life happily before being thrust into the public arena. In many ways he’s the Alex Reid of the sea world. RIP Paul.

And Finally…. After the radio show on Sat, the guest Shaista took me out (not in a Mafia way). I must add she is the first guest to do this. She like me is a comedian although she only started doing stand up comedy 4 months ago. Yet she has already played in front of a crowd of 20 000 and was invited to perform in Hong Kong. I on the other hand have been involved in comedy for a little more than 4 months and have not performed in front of a 20 000 crowd. To be honest if you added up all the people I’ve ever performed in front of, I doubt it would tally 20000. As for Hong Kong they’ve yet to call. So if it wasn’t bad enough being overshadowed early on a Sat morning by a newcomer to comedy, I also had a cup of tea at the cafe.

Til Next Week, Stay Safe!

The Natural Order

Goodluck Jonathan

Hola. Hope you are all well.

I had a busy week. I was doing some poetry workshops in a couple of schools, including on in Clitheroe, which meant I had to get up at 5:50am. That’s 5:50 in the MORNING. Writers aren’t built for such things, do you think proper writers like Katie Price gets up at this time?

In fact last week I was up before ‘Her with one permanent job’ four times. Things like this shouldn’t happen. For starters I don’t overly embrace change and secondly I worry when the natural order of things are messed around. Something as simple as me getting up before ‘HWOPJ’ could lead to the World imploding, you never know. Those who share my concerns, needn’t worry any further as the natural order of things has been restored as of this morning, when ‘HWOPJ’ left for work at 8am. Woohoo! In your face imploding Universe!!!

It was something of a grown up week for me as I even listened to a programme on Radio 4. I’m not really a Radio 4 kinda guy but a fellow poet Kate Fox was on the show so I thought I’d listen. Occasionally I like to hear/see what my peers are up to, only occasionally, mainly I’m more interested in what I’m doing. It was a nice programme, quite informative but I doubt I’ll become a Radio 4 regular. I see Radio 4 rightly or wrongly as for adults, (I know technically I’m an adult), I feel the same way about broadsheet newspapers and drinking coffee. Is there anything you view as adult, despite you being an adult? Feel free to let us know via the comments button.

In other news, I was interested to read that the Nigerian President, Goodluck Jonathan is going to ban his national football team from playing for 2yrs due to their poor showing at the World Cup. (It’s been announced he’s gone back on this situation) What really stuck out about this story was that the President is called Goodluck Jonathan. What a great name that is. Inspired by his name I’m thinking of calling myself All the Best Julian. Having said this it wasn’t that long ago that I was toying with the idea of calling myself Jul.i.an inspired by Will:i.am of the Black Eyed Peas. Or before that, when I moved to Didsbury calling myself P Didsbury inspired by P Diddy. Sometimes even I think I have too much time on my hands.

And Finally… As we were talking about football, what with the Nigerian team, may I direct you to my latest football post on my football blog, which considers England’s exit from the World Cup. I genuinely think it’s a good piece of writing, so feel free to check it out. Having said that I genuinely think All the Best Julian would be a good name for me.

                                                           Til Next week, Stay Safe!

                                                               All the Best Julian

(original post 5/7/10)