Co-written by Boris Johnson

After Boris Johnson failed to appear on the Channel 4 leaders’ debate on the climate, some say the biggest issue facing the planet, I wondered what Boris Johnson would care enough about to bother himself to turn up. Thankfully Boris Johnson was able to help me, by providing many of the words.

Boris Johnson doesn’t care about the climate.
He doesn’t care about “piccanninies with watermelon smiles”.
He doesn’t care about “bum boys in tank-tops”.
He doesn’t care about Muslim women looking like “letterboxes” or “bank robbers”.

Boris Johnson doesn’t care for the truth.
He doesn’t care about misleading the Queen,
or unlawfully proroguing Parliament.
He doesn’t care about Brexit (2 articles written)
He doesn’t care about businesses (“fcuk business)

Boris Johnson doesn’t care about Hillsborough.
He doesn’t care about the “drunk, criminal, feckless” working classes,
or the “irresponsible” single mums.
He doesn’t care about Nazanin,
He doesn’t care about the NHS.

Boris Johnson doesn’t care about how many children he’s fathered.
He doesn’t care about spilling wine on the sofa.
He doesn’t care about me
and he doesn’t care about you.

Boris Johnson only cares for Boris Johnson.

@anunknowncomic

 

 

Losing my rag & losing my bag

The other week I managed to lose my bag with an unusually high percentage of my writing in it.
Find out more from 16mins 30. I’m trying to be positive and see it as an opportunity to do other things. However I may just be masking the pain of overseeing another chapter of failure. Of course if it were an actual chapter it would no doubt have been in the bag.

@anunknowncomic

What could have been

The other day my old world met with my current one as I escorted GCSE students to Poetry Live, where they could see what successful poets look like.
At the event Carol Ann Duffy explained how she completes a poem. She will write a draft and then about 6 re-writes. If she’s not busy (doing other things like Poetry Live) that will take about a week. These days with my lack of time and other commitments, it takes me about 2 years to finish a poem. That’s just one of the many reasons I was in the audience and not on the stage.
Have a listen to my comedy prongcast. Cheers

My demographic.

I’ve always assumed that my poems appealed to a younger demographic but the other day I performed a couple of new poems to what could be described as an older audience and they were received well.

It would appear from the feedback the audience were able to relate to my new poems about ageing and being skint.

So perhaps my appeal is universal (smiley face).

Should you require a comedy poet for your event feel free to consider me. I’ve been performing since 2000, doing shows for Apples & Snakes (nationally), Commonword (North West) plus for Lemn Sissay at the Royal Festival Hall and more recently Terry Christian‘s Mad Manc Cabaret.

I’m currently based in SE London.

@anunknowncomic

For booking enquiries contact me on:   emailjuliandaniel@yahoo.co.uk (email is part of the email address)