Co-written by Boris Johnson

After Boris Johnson failed to appear on the Channel 4 leaders’ debate on the climate, some say the biggest issue facing the planet, I wondered what Boris Johnson would care enough about to bother himself to turn up. Thankfully Boris Johnson was able to help me, by providing many of the words.

Boris Johnson doesn’t care about the climate.
He doesn’t care about “piccanninies with watermelon smiles”.
He doesn’t care about “bum boys in tank-tops”.
He doesn’t care about Muslim women looking like “letterboxes” or “bank robbers”.

Boris Johnson doesn’t care for the truth.
He doesn’t care about misleading the Queen,
or unlawfully proroguing Parliament.
He doesn’t care about Brexit (2 articles written)
He doesn’t care about businesses (“fcuk business)

Boris Johnson doesn’t care about Hillsborough.
He doesn’t care about the “drunk, criminal, feckless” working classes,
or the “irresponsible” single mums.
He doesn’t care about Nazanin,
He doesn’t care about the NHS.

Boris Johnson doesn’t care about how many children he’s fathered.
He doesn’t care about spilling wine on the sofa.
He doesn’t care about me
and he doesn’t care about you.

Boris Johnson only cares for Boris Johnson.

@anunknowncomic

 

 

Losing my rag & losing my bag

The other week I managed to lose my bag with an unusually high percentage of my writing in it.
Find out more from 16mins 30. I’m trying to be positive and see it as an opportunity to do other things. However I may just be masking the pain of overseeing another chapter of failure. Of course if it were an actual chapter it would no doubt have been in the bag.

@anunknowncomic

Where do you write?

David Cameron didn’t write his memoir in his £25 000 shed as was previously thought, instead he wrote it in his mansion. (that must have been nice)

I also read that Maya Angelou would book a hotel room and each morning leave her home and write at the hotel.

Assuming you’re a writer and you don’t have a mansion, or can’t afford to book hotel rooms on a daily basis, where do you write? Feel free to let me know via the comments button or @anunknowncomic Thanks.

Should you have 32 mins spare, check out my comedy prongcast. Cheers.

Bursting the poetry bubble

Apparently we’re currently experiencing a resurgence in poetry. This by my reckoning/The Guardian is the second such resurgence in just under 10 years. Naturally I have not been involved in either resurgence but should I ever return to world of spoken word, it’s safe to say that it will be the beginning of the end for poetry. And I don’t want to worry anyone riding the gravy train that is poetry but over the last couple of years I’ve built up a mini collection of new poems…. Watch this space!!

@anunknowncomic

If you like your comedy unscripted, check out my prongcast. Cheers.

What could have been

The other day my old world met with my current one as I escorted GCSE students to Poetry Live, where they could see what successful poets look like.
At the event Carol Ann Duffy explained how she completes a poem. She will write a draft and then about 6 re-writes. If she’s not busy (doing other things like Poetry Live) that will take about a week. These days with my lack of time and other commitments, it takes me about 2 years to finish a poem. That’s just one of the many reasons I was in the audience and not on the stage.
Have a listen to my comedy prongcast. Cheers

Me, Kim and the Donald.

Tues 12th June is starting to look like a historic day. Not only is Donald Trump set to meet Kim Jong-un but I am reading a few new poems at a night of spoken word in Crystal Palace. It’s not for me to say which is the bigger event but if any talent spotters or members of the public are out and about in the area come to
The Ungoverned Tongue, at Numidie Bar 48 Westow Hill, SE19 1RX.
8:30pm Free Entry.
Try out my comedy prongcast. Thanks (just press play)

My demographic.

I’ve always assumed that my poems appealed to a younger demographic but the other day I performed a couple of new poems to what could be described as an older audience and they were received well.

It would appear from the feedback the audience were able to relate to my new poems about ageing and being skint.

So perhaps my appeal is universal (smiley face).

Should you require a comedy poet for your event feel free to consider me. I’ve been performing since 2000, doing shows for Apples & Snakes (nationally), Commonword (North West) plus for Lemn Sissay at the Royal Festival Hall and more recently Terry Christian‘s Mad Manc Cabaret.

I’m currently based in SE London.

@anunknowncomic

For booking enquiries contact me on:   emailjuliandaniel@yahoo.co.uk (email is part of the email address)