Opening a can of beans

Hola. Hope you are well.

I was interested to see that Chris Martin (Coldplay) is back eating meat after splitting from his wife, Gwyneth Paltrow a strict vegetarian. The implication being that his decision to not eat meat during his marriage was a decision influenced by his wife. With this in mind, what would be the first thing you’d give up/take up, if you were to split with your current partner? Let me know via the comments button, or on twitter @anunknowncomic

In other showbiz wedding news, Cheryl Cole recently got married to Jean-Bernard Fernandez-Versini. Apparently her husband spent £300 000 on the engagement and wedding ring. I’m sure no one reading this has that kind of money to spend on a wedding ring but I am interested to know how much you’ve spent on a wedding ring. Maybe you’ve been married a few times and so collectively you’ve spent a fair whack on wedding rings . Alternatively, I’d like to hear from people who’ve spent very little on a wedding, the cheaper the better and how was it received?

And finally…. in matters closer to home, my other half, unbeknown to me decided to take our only tin opener to work, meaning I had to improvise when for lunch I needed to open a tin of beans. For those interested, I used a hammer and a knife and made holes all round the can until I was able to remove the lid. Let me know when you’ve used an item for something other than what it was designed for.

Til next time, stay safe!

An unknown comedian is the co-author of, ‘How to Dump Your Girlfriend’

Is it ever too late to call off your wedding?

Hola. Hope you are well.

Is it ever too late to call off your wedding? I bring this up because Rory McIlroy (golfer) recently called off his wedding to Caroline Wozniacki (tennis player) after the wedding invites had been sent out.

In his defence the wedding was still 6 months away, which strikes me as a decent amount of time to call off a wedding but what if you get cold feet a week before, a day before, the day of the wedding? Would you call it off or go through with it, let me know if you’ve been in this situation or know someone who’s done it. You can contact me via the comments button or on twitter @anunknowncomic

Ps. Has anyone been ditched at the altar or does this only happen on soaps?

As a postscript to this story, in their next tournament after the split, he went on to win his, she got knocked out in the 1st round of the French Open.

Til next time, stay safe!

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How to Dump Your Girlfriend

It could be you

Hola. Hope you are well.

Over the last couple of weeks there’s been newspaper stories of two couples who have split up after massive lottery wins (Adrian and Gillian Bayford £148m and Dave and Angela Dawes £101m).

The other day I was thinking about this and because ‘Her With One Part-time Job’ was the only other person in the room, I asked her, ‘How much money she would be prepared to win but as a result it would mean we split up’. Apparently this isn’t an appropriate question to ask a long-term partner, but don’t let me put you off, try it with your other-half.

Let me know how you get on, you can contact me via the comments button.

Til next time, stay safe!

@anunknowncomic

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