staffroom conspiracies

sir henry cooper

Hola. Hope you are well.

Firstly I feel I should apologise, for posting this week’s post on a Wednesday. A number of things conspired to scupper my hopes of posting sooner. In theory I could have written the blog on Sunday and saved it as draft and then published it on Monday or Tuesday but as there were 3 football games on back to back on Sunday and I watched all 3 of them in the pub meant that course of action was unlikely. Then on Monday it was a Bank Holiday and so ‘Her With One Permanent Job’ and I ended up in Brighton and then in the evening we had a couple of friends staying and it would have been the height of rudeness if I stopped engaging with them to do my blog. On Tuesday I was back in work, which took up many potential blog creating hours (but does pay the bills) and then in the evening I was doing a rare comedy gig, as one half of the 3 Prong Attack, which meant I only had time to eat before I was heading out of the flat again. That ladies and gentlemen is why this blog is being published today, Weds. At least not much has happened since my last blog post, unless of course you count the Royal Wedding and the killing of Osama Bin Laden.

Talking of which, did you watch? (the wedding, not the other thing). On last week’s post I said I would watch if I was near a TV but in reality I was always going to watch. The main conclusion I reached from the whole thing is that weddings are generally boring events, even with all the pomp and ceremony (and Fearne Cotton) it was still a dull affair. There did however seem to be plenty of interest in Kate/Catherine’s dress. I think the general consensus was that it was nice, at a reported cost of £250 000 you’d like to think it was nice. For what it’s worth, I agree that it was nice, if a little titty for our future Queen and with it being figure hugging, it showed how slim she is, I just hope now she is royalty she’ll  now be able to afford to eat.

After watching it on the TV we ventured into central London just to see what it was like, and at one point something weird happened, people started singing on the tube. I could only assume they were tourists, because people who live in London don’t act like that. Since I’ve been in London I can hardly remember seeing commuters crack a smile nevermind start singing.

And now on to the killing of Bin Laden, which has led to a number of conspiracy theories, mainly in the staffroom of the school I’m working at. One of their theories is that the only reason America did this was because the eyes of the world were on England due to the wedding so they had to do something to get one over us. I know Obama didn’t get an invite to the wedding but I find it to believe that since then he’s been sitting around thinking of ways he could get  back at Wills and Kate/Catherine and came up with killing Osama. Having said all that, it doesn’t help quash the conspiracies that when news first broke, it was reported that Osama was using his youngest wife as a human shield and was firing at the American soldiers. It also stated that the wife had died in the raid. The very next day it came out that Osama was unarmed, he didn’t use his youngest wife as a shield and that she didn’t die but did get shot in the leg. These do seem like contradictory stories, call me old-fashioned but dying and not dying are fundamentally different things.

The person I feel sorry for in all this is Sir Henry Cooper who passed away in between the Royal Wedding and the killing of Osama. There’s probably never a good time to die but if you were hoping your death would generate lots of column inches then this was surely not a good time to go. At least he got a mention on an unknown comedian’s blog.

And Finally… it is the vote on electoral reform tomorrow (thurs) I can’t see it capturing the nations imagination in the same way as the 2 big news stories of the past week. If it does, I can only imagine it’s because Nick Clegg has shot David Cameron through the eye and dumped his body in the Thames, whilst Sam Cam limps away after being shot in the leg.

Til next week, (hopefully mon) stay safe!

Heaven is a place on earth

ragnhild zeigler

 Hola. Hope you are well and had a good Easter break.

I spent a few days back in Manchester, I had a fun time, it felt a little bit like a holiday. A holiday in a place I know well, where I got to see my friends and family, where the sun shone each day and I got to eat branded cereals. In many ways what I’ve just described could be heaven.

Whilst I was back in Manchester I appeared on the Andy Crane radio show. The other guest on the show was a very interesting lady, Ragnhild Zeigler, who not only is a singer-songwriter but also plays the saw and in addition to this is a politician in her native Norway and works with deaf autistic children. She properly put this unknown comedian in the shade. You can listen to this show by following this link. (This will be up for a further 5days)

Also whilst I was I Manchester I decided to support my local independent book shop and bought the book ‘Staying Power’ The History of Black People in Britain. ‘Her With One Permanent Job’ already thinks I’m race obsessed (i’m not) so there is a chance this book could tip me over the edge. I could become a light weight Malcolm X or Martin Luther King, maybe Julian Y or Julian Luther Prince. Watch this space, although it is a big book, so it might be a while before I summon up the energy to read it, so there shouldn’t be any noticeable difference in my subject matter any time soon.

Talking of ‘HWOPJ’, she has got a new job, which I think is typical, in what I described could be“the most important 2 weeks of my life” where I was to sort out different aspects of my life, and it was actually HWOPJ who had the significant news. I think the biggest impact on me when HWOPJ moves jobs is that I’ve got to know her work colleagues and then I have to get to know a new set. I imagine it’s what it must be like if you’re a child and your single mum introduces you to a number of different ‘uncles’ and then from time to time she sits you down and explains that you won’t be seeing ‘Uncle Kevin’ so much as they’re not ‘friends’ anymore. (I must add this didn’t happen to me)

Talking of relationships, is anyone reading this excited about the Royal Wedding taking place on Fri? Feel free to let me know if you are and why. I have to admit that weddings leave me cold, so one where it involves 2 privileged people I don’t know doesn’t fill me with much excitement. I can’t help thinking the people of Scotland and Hull have got the right idea as apparently no resident of these places has applied for a licence to hold a street party for the wedding. Having said all this, I wish Wills and Kate (or Catherine) well and if I’m near a TV I will no doubt watch, after all it’s an event and I’m a sucker for an event. However If Wills is reading this and is heaving second thoughts, he could do worse than checking this out. 

And Finally…On to some good news relating to this blog. I was checking the figures for the number of hits for April and this month has received the most hits since I moved this blog to WordPress in Sept 2010. So I thank you all for clicking on this blog. As a sort of reward for your support and because I found I have duplicate CDs I thought I would do a CD give away. So if you fancy one of the following CDs just let me know via the comments button which one you would like and then email me your postal address, my email is and I will send you the copy.

So the CDs are:

Nothing but the Best – Frank Sinatra

Black Holes and Revelations – Muse

The Deformation of Strickland Banks – Plan B

A grand don’t come for free – The Streets

Antidotes – Foals

Til next week, stay safe! (next week’s blog  maybe published on Tues again what with Mon being a bank hol)