I forgive you wayne

coleen and wayne rooney


Hola. Hope you are well. 

I’ve had a varied week. As I mentioned recently I have appeared in my local newspaper, the South Manchester Reporter twice in the last month. Despite being a bit crap when it comes to technology, I’ve managed to scan the articles, so those unfortunate enough to live outside of South Manchester have the chance to see the articles. (article 1) and (who’s who article). I mention these articles, not to show off (honest) but because on the way to watch the Switzerland vs England game, a bloke walking towards me, wearing shorts and carrying a plastic bag looked at me and just as we passed each other, he spat on the ground and then said “Are you a bit of a comedian?” I said “yep, a bit of a comedian”. I thought if he wasn’t going to commit to me being a full comedian, then it would probably be a social faux pas for me to do so. He then went on to say he’d seen me in the paper, which just goes to show the power of the local media. To be honest I’m just glad he didn’t want to beat me up. 

As for the football, it brought me some money. In particularly Wayne Rooney won me some money, admittedly I didn’t get as much money off the back of Wayne Rooney as some we have learnt about in recent times. But after his recent publicity I thought I’d put some money on him being the first scorer against the Swiss. It was only when Rooney scored the first goal, that I thought maybe I’d should have put on more money than the £1:25 at 4-1 that I actually did. And before you ask, yes I did feel a bit of a tw@t putting such a small bet on in the bookers. I put the bet on in hushed tones, just in case anyone overheard. I felt a little bit more confident, when I went in the next day to collect my winnings, all £5 of them (plus my stake). I was wary not to go crazy and blow all my winnings in one go. Instead I bought some toothpaste £1, renewed a DVD from the library £1, then I bought tinned tomatoes, mushrooms and bacon from a supermarket and I still had some change left, although I think by the time I bought a cup of tea in a cafe,  I’d exceeded my winnings. 

As some of you may know I’m constantly thinking of ways to advance my global appeal. Well inspiration hit last week. I’m not sure what triggered it off, but I had a thought that around this time next year I could hold an ‘International Burn Tony Blair’s book day’. I could grow a ridiculous moustache and promote the event on the side of a tacky trailer. The only problem is that I don’t want to buy the book so I’ll have to find a library that stocks the book and burn it in there. I suppose I’ve got a year to iron out these teething problems. 

And Finally…. Here’s a little insight into my personal life, I decided I should do some stretches last week, as it would make me more supple. So I did some intense stretches on my hamstrings. I then spent the next 3 days walking around with tight hamstrings. I think I might just stick to gambling. 

Til next week, stay safe!

It’s just another brick in the wall

brick work

Hola. Hope you are well.

About this time last year I started doing some pointing at my mum’s house, well a year later I’m back there continuing the job. I don’t know what it is about this time of year that makes me think I should do pointing. Maybe it will become a family tradition, something to rival Christmas. Just to clarify, when I say I’m pointing, I mean doing brick work and not just being really observant.

And before you ask, I’m not doing this because I’ve been inspired by David Cameron’s ‘Big Society’ which I’ve got to say is a ridiculous idea. For those that are unsure what the Big Society is, (which probably includes politicians) David Cameron wants people to take control of their community by volunteering in different areas. One example given, is for locals to take over the running of their pub. Which seems like a very sensible idea because if your local landlord/lady can’t make the pub work despite having years of experience in the licensing industry, you and your mates are bound to make a success of it.

Allied with the cuts that are on the way, it will mean we are going to be removing qualified people and replacing them with well-meaning volunteers. It’s like Man Utd replacing Wayne Rooney with the 65 yr old who currently works at B&Q or ‘street walkers’ being replaced by the ladies from the local bridge society. So with this spirit of people doing jobs that they are unqualified to do, next week David Cameron will be doing this blog and Nick Clegg will be running the country.

Another ‘politician’ making the news last week was the BNP’s Nick Griffin, who was invited to the Queen’s Garden party along with others, in his capacity as a MEP. He then got uninvited, the official reason given, was that he was using the event to promote his political views and this wasn’t the arena for such a thing. However I think, the Queen thought, ‘I don’t want to be pictured with a man prone to coming out with racist remarks’. Let me clarify this, I imagine having had to go on many foreign trips with Prince Philip, she didn’t want to be pictured with another man who may come out with racist remarks.

Onto lighter stuff. I was flicking through the Royal Exchange listings brochure (I’ve changed). I was happily flicking through looking at all the different events and then what should I see but this. It was for an event called Speakeasy. For those who don’t know, I’m a member of this collective (I’m far right in the pic) and yet I had no idea about this event. Let me know if anything like this has happened to you. Have you ever found something out about yourself that unbeknown to you was actually public knowledge? (Feel free to use the comments button to let us know, cheers)

And Finally…. I ended up watching 3 films over the weekend, ‘Changing Lanes’,‘Catch me if you can’ and ‘Up in the air’. The first two I’d seen before, which does seem a little bit like a waste of my time but when you’re sat on the sofa and there’s much else on, what can you do. ‘Catch me if you can’ follows Leonardo Dicaprio’s character who is a con man (con boy). Watching it did make me want to become a con man. If anyone from any law enforcement agency is reading this, I’m not actually going to pursue this an option. And ‘Up in the Air’ with George Clooney is a good couple movie, because it’s slush enough for the chicks but not too unbearable for us blokes. For any more film advice, do not hesitate to ask. Cheers.

                                                           Til next week, stay safe!
(original post 26/7/10)