It wasn’t me

phil spector

Hola. Hope you are well.

Just to let you know I started this blog yday (Mon 11th) but due to time constraints and because I’m currently running this operation from my local library I never got round to finishing it.  Let’s hope it’s worth the wait.

On last week’s blog I mentioned that I was ready to resume my battle with Cheryl Cole. Then a few days later it was splashed all over the papers that Cheryl had received death threats (see here). Just in case anyone from a law enforcement agency is reading this, I just want to ensure you that I had nothing to do with this.

The tell-tale signs that it had nothing to do with me, include the fact that the message was sent from a Blackberry, which is way too modern a piece of technology for me to have. I’m currently using a mobile that has already had two previous owners. Secondly the spelling is atrocious. This doesn’t initially discount me, as my spelling is poor but if I were to send a death threat to someone, I feel I would have the courtesy to make sure I ran it past the spell checker. For those of you  who are concerned about Cheryl’s welfare, fret no more as she is alive and well. It’s almost as if this death threat was all a publicity stunt.

Something that doesn’t appear to be a publicity stunt is that Gamu does face a real threat of being deported back to Zimbabwe due to her mum’s student Visa having run out. It was reported in the Sunday Mirror that Gamu fears for her safety if she returns to Zimbabwe and she even said she may face the firing squad (see here). I don’t know how much truth is in this, but it does seem a harsh punishment for someone who’s only crime appears to have not been picked to sing in the live finals of X-Factor. However, I can’t help thinking that some producer somewhere is noting this down, so if in years to come, instead of  contestants on the X-Factor merely getting booted off the show, they get lined up and shot, we will know where the seeds for this idea came from. At least if this did happen you’d feel the tears would be for a just reason.

Anyway, onto other news. As I’m sure you were all aware it was National Poetry Day on Thurs (7th Oct). I was marked the occasion by going into a prison and travelling from wing to wing asking the inmates about home. Before I go on, I feel I should assure you I was booked to do this, it wasn’t some elaborate prank. But I can see how going into prison asking inmates what they think of home, may appear quite cruel, akin to going to a weight watchers event and asking the participants to talk about cream cakes. But in my defence, the theme of this year’s  National Poetry Day was ‘Home’, so I did have a legitimate reason for asking these questions.

The idea was for me to get all the inmates I met to write down on a strip of paper one sentence that summed up home and then they put that strip of paper in an envelope and at the end of the day I would turn their contributions into a poem. As it happened I met quite a lot of inmates and the vast majority were very co-operative, we did get the odd ‘majour pussy’ but that was always to be expected and to be fair maybe majour pussy does sum up home to him. Unfortunately I didn’t feel it was appropriate to the overall feel of the piece.

I eventually got round to piecing the poem together yesterday, that’s why I didn’t get round to completing this blog. I have to say I found the whole thing an interesting process. Initially when I saw all the strips of paper I did feel a little overwhelmed, thinking where should I start. It’s probably not surprising I felt this way as if you’ve seen me perform any of my poems you will know they are generally pretty short. One of my shortest poems consists of two female names and the word ‘whilst’.

But after my initial fears as to my ability to turn it into a poem, I got into it. I felt a little like a music producer, trying to take all the different parts and make one coherent piece. In many ways I could become the Manchester poetry equivalent of Phil Spector. If the poem gets the all clear, I may put a link of it on next week’s blog, I imagine you are all can’t wait.

And Finally… It’s my nephew’s 3rd birthday today, don’t feel you have to wish him Happy Birthday as he doesn’t read this blog (everyone’s a critic). I only mention it because I got him a card as is the way with these things, but it wasn’t as easy as you may think. He is mixed raced (person of dual heritage) and I’m sure I read somewhere that it is important to show children positive images of people similar to themselves. But the problem was, it’s not easy to find cards with mixed raced children on them, especially the card shops I frequent, so instead I got him a card with a bear driving a car. Because in no way is that going to confuse him more than a smiling white boy.

Til next week (Mon hopefully), stay safe.