I’m Loving it, ho ho ho!

mary, joseph and little donkey

Hola. Hope you are all well.

I was ‘Oop North’ on Thurs, albeit Leeds (only Joking Leeds) taking part in a teenage comedy event, . I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve already become a Shandy drinking Southern Jessie but when I got out of the train station at Leeds, I did take a sharp intake of breath and say to myself, “It’s cold”! and then rubbed my hands before getting in a Joe Baxi (taxi). Off course it could just have been really cold. 

On last week’s blog post, I mentioned how I only had a 1 page CV, but as the famous saying goes, “a week’s a long time in job search” as I now have couple of 2 page CVs, due to the fact I have managed to ‘flesh out’ my achievements. All I will say at this stage is, “In your face Justin Bieber” (see last week’s post).

In other news, ‘Her With One Permanent Job’ and I did a spot of DIY yesterday (Sun) building a wardrobe. It’s a self assembly wardrobe that we brought with us from M’cr, but because we didn’t have the foresight to keep hold of the instructions when we initially put it up, we had to do it from memory and use common sense. We also didn’t have the correct tools, mainly because we have no tools in the new flat, so the tip of a knife became a screw driver and some kind of meat knife became a saw. Although to be fair, in the original instructions no sawing was required. After a bit of trial and error, we eventually sorted it and it’s up and ready for use, which is good for me as I have been living out of a series of plastic bags, like a vagrant. And despite not having the instructions, we realised that last time with said instructions we’d somehow done it wrong, which was why the clothes kept falling down. Which, I’m sure you will agree is not what you want from a wardrobe.

As you maybe aware, Christmas is around the corner and every big firm is trying to cash in, including McDonald’s who have a cheery Christmas ad out at the moment. But what does McDonald’s really have to do with Christmas? Firstly I can’t imagine a sadder Christmas than being forced to celebrate it at lonely McDonald’s. Secondly, I don’t remember in the story of the nativity Mary, Joseph and Little Donkey, following the star to Bethlehem and at some point pulling in at a McDonald’s drive-thru. I don’t recall the 3 Wise Men turning up with Gold, frankincense and a Happy Meal. Although at least people know what a Happy Meal is unlike myrrh. I think what I’m trying to say is, let’s not pretend that everything is part of the Christmas spirit.

Due to the Winter Festival I speak of, this will be the last weekly update of the year (I’m sure you will get over it). I will resume again in the new year. But as a ‘treat’ I will be posting a special one-off review of my year sometime around the New Year. It will basically be the stuff I’ve written throughout the year, condensed into manageable chunks. It’s a bit like consolidating your loans, except this won’t be frowned upon by financial experts or fronted by Carol Vorderman

Anyway, all that remains is to wish everyone a Good and Prosperous, Christmas and New year and thank you for reading this blog, commenting and your general support throughout the year. It’s much appreciated!

Til Start of 2011, Stay Safe!!! Ho Ho Ho!

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There’s no such thing as easy money

justin bieber

Hola. Hope you are all well.

I’ve survived another week here in London and the good news is, I’m over my cold, Woohoo!!!. Getting over colds is one of my few skills, maybe I should put it on my CV.

Talking of which, I managed to cobble together a CV this week as I’m seeking to get a ‘proper job’ to see me through these austere times. On a previous blog post, I said I was going to do a 2 page CV but on reflection this proved to be a little ambitious. I must admit it is a little disheartening when acts like 16-year-old Justin Bieber can bring out autobiographies and I can’t fill 2 pages of A4 with my career history.

I’ve also been checking a few recruitment agencies to see what jobs are out there, which has been an eye opener. I’ve seen a number of jobs that from their job titles alone I wasn’t sure what the job was. I recognised and understood the individual words but put together, I didn’t have a clue. I have that same feeling when ‘Her With One Permanent Job’ makes me watch University Challenge and I don’t understand many of  the questions, nevermind knowing the answers.

In addition to the whole job search, I have been trying to make some easy money. Firstly ‘This Morning’ were giving away £120 000 as part of their Christmas competition, so I thought I’d have a piece of that. I even told my mum and sister to enter the competition. They better give me some money if they win, or I will be properly gutted. In fact I would disown them, but only after they’ve fed and housed be over the festive period.

I also turned to gambling, as this is a sure-fire route to financial security. I thought I would bet on something I know about and I know about the X Factor and I know how it works, so this will be to my advantage when I take on the bookies. So I put £10 on ‘One Direction’ to win, thinking the little girlies would vote for them ten times, meaning they would amass the most votes. They finished third! Cheers for that pre-pubescent girls. Has the recession hit so hard that children haven’t got enough credit on their phones to vote on the X Factor? Or are  the young people in England so politically savvy that they are already saving for their university education. Either way I am £10 out of pocket.

And Finally…. The big event of last week, for me anyway, was Coronation Street, especially the live episode, which I genuinely thought was great. It was so good that about 15mins in I remembered they were doing it live. For those of you that don’t watch Coronation St. (shame on you) a tram came off the tracks, down the viaduct and onto the residents of Coronation St. I suppose that’s what happens if you persist in running tram type vehicles above the ground. Has no one in Wetherfield thought about putting them underground like all sophisticated places?

In the aftermath of the crash, a lot of stories began to unravel, including the fact that Kevin’s wife Sally, found out Kevin had fathered Molly’s baby. This did make me think, has Kevin developed a very specific fetish where he’s only sexually attracted to women whose names end ‘lly’.

Anyway, I could talk Corrie all day but I have to think up an answer to the question, ” where do you see yourself in 5 years time”.

Til next week, stay safe!

Living the dream

geordie girls

Hola. Hope you are all well.

I’m still in London, I’ve managed to do a full week without leaving. Although I do have a cold. I mention this not for sympathy, or to be mocked about man flu etc.. I just mention it cos it’s true.

The big story of the week appears to be the weather. Every time we have heavy snowfall in this country the news coverage is always the same. People are interviewed about how they couldn’t get to work, a car will be seen sliding in the background, there will be a report from salt mines as some councils fear a shortfall of grit and salt. We then get told how much absenteeism from work will cost the economy and then there will be pictures of Geordie women on a night out with very little on. Whilst we are on this subject, my advice to any young women, Geordie or not, on a night out in this cold weather is PUT A COAT ON! Guys will still fancy you if you are covered up. Trust me, the onset of pneumonia isn’t a sexy look.

The snow seemed to affect all forms of transport here in London, including the Tube. I’m not 100% sure why as the majority of the underground system is underground as the name underground would suggest. London maybe an odd place but it doesn’t snow underground, although I wouldn’t rule out Mayor Boris introducing it in the near future.

Despite the snow, I did manage to travel 1 and a half hours to play football on Fri between 1pm-2pm. I mention the time, as it takes a certain type of person to be available to play football on a Friday early afternoon. As it happens that type of person seems to be a creative type, as all the players were actors and me. So if you ever see grown men playing football at unusual hours of the day, take pity on them they are just living the dream.

The other big news of the week was the fact that England didn’t win the bid to host the 2018 football World Cup. People have asked where did the bid go wrong? I would suggest it was when we started telling everyone and anyone that would listen that the organisation that were making the decision, were corrupt. That’s what I think anyway.

And Finally… Onto another institution that may or may not be fixed and that is The X Factor. I watched a repeat of Saturday’s show and it mentioned how Zain from One Direction lost his Grandfather earlier in the week. I wouldn’t make light of his situation but it did make me think how when you go on that show, something bad tends to happen. It’s as if the contestants have made a pact with the devil for a bit of fame. This series alone, Cher, Zain and Paige have lost family members and Katie found out her 81 year old Grandma was a prostitute. It does make me wonder of it’s all worth it. Is it really better than playing football in the snow on a Friday afternoon?

Til next time, stay safe!