This hasn’t been widely reported but I was going to be the poet at Joe Biden‘s inauguration. He wanted me to do my poems ‘Ham’, ‘Jam’ & ‘Spam’ as he saw them as a symbol of hope, showing that despite America currently being divided all Americans have the potential to come together as sandwich fillers. However due to Covid19 I wasn’t able to travel, so they gave the gig to some young poet (I’m not sure what happened to her). Should the pandemic be resolved in 2025 I’m sure I’ll get an invite from President Ivanka.
Tom Watson has written a novel. This is in addition to his weight loss book, ‘Downsizing’. It begs the question, how did he find the time to do all this writing? Up until recently he was the deputy leader of the Labour party, surely his waking hours were taken up with thoughts of how they could win an election not character arcs. I know I don’t have time to write and I finish work at 3:15.
After Boris Johnson failed to appear on the Channel 4 leaders’ debate on the climate, some say the biggest issue facing the planet, I wondered what Boris Johnson would care enough about to bother himself to turn up. Thankfully Boris Johnson was able to help me, by providing many of the words.
Boris Johnson doesn’t care about the climate.
He doesn’t care about “piccanninies with watermelon smiles”.
He doesn’t care about “bum boys in tank-tops”.
He doesn’t care about Muslim women looking like “letterboxes” or “bank robbers”.
Boris Johnson doesn’t care for the truth.
He doesn’t care about misleading the Queen,
or unlawfully proroguing Parliament.
He doesn’t care about Brexit (2 articles written)
He doesn’t care about businesses (“fcuk business)
Boris Johnson doesn’t care about Hillsborough.
He doesn’t care about the “drunk, criminal, feckless” working classes,
or the “irresponsible” single mums.
He doesn’t care about Nazanin,
He doesn’t care about the NHS.
Boris Johnson doesn’t care about how many children he’s fathered.
He doesn’t care about spilling wine on the sofa.
He doesn’t care about me
and he doesn’t care about you.
The other week I managed to lose my bag with an unusually high percentage of my writing in it. Find out more from 16mins 30. I’m trying to be positive and see it as an opportunity to do other things. However I may just be masking the pain of overseeing another chapter of failure. Of course if it were an actual chapter it would no doubt have been in the bag.
David Cameron didn’t write his memoir in his £25 000 shed as was previously thought, instead he wrote it in his mansion. (that must have been nice)
I also read that Maya Angelou would book a hotel room and each morning leave her home and write at the hotel.
Assuming you’re a writer and you don’t have a mansion, or can’t afford to book hotel rooms on a daily basis, where do you write? Feel free to let me know via the comments button or @anunknowncomic Thanks.
3Prong Attackthe podcast/prongcast I co-present, sometimes choose a team to support during the football season. We like the club to reflect us in some way. With this in mind should we support Bury FCfor the 2019/20 season? Let me know via the comments button or @anunknowncomic Cheers
Apparently Zoe Ball has lost 780 000 listeners from the Radio 2 Breakfast show in 3 months. I have to applaud her for this. It’s better to shed people who aren’t keen on what you do than have them sniping from the side. Over the years I’ve managed to whittle the people who like what I do down to 8-15 (and I’m one of the 8-15). Anyway back to Zoe, are you one of those 780 000 listeners & if so what do you listen to in the morning instead? Let me know via the comments button or @anunknowncomic. Cheers
If you like my #1minblog then why not check out my comedy podcast.
The young boffins who monitor ‘my reach’ tell me that in the last 2 weeks, outside of the UK, my 1minblog is most popular in India. Apparently if I can crack India, I’ll never have to work again. So before I hit the big time I just want to say “so long suckers!” @anunknowncomic Also check out my comedy prongcast. Cheers
Great news. 3Prong Attackthe #prongcast I co-present have won the rights to the leadership debate – the Lib Dem leadership debate. We haven’t worked out the format yet but we’ve only got one mic & we need to be near a plug socket due to the short battery life of Prong2’s laptop. Still it can’t be any worse than the BBC’s effort.
The podcast I do, 3Prong Attack got a mention on the Radio 2 blues show presented by Cerys Matthews, it’s the most exciting thing that’s happened to us since Ant & Dec followed us on Twitter for a day. We never did get to the bottom of why they only followed for a day. From what we’ve subsequently learnt, I reckon it was Ant that followed us and it was Dec and their advisers who overruled him.