Fit Gingers

Ed Sheeran

Hola. Hope you are well.

I’ve had a busy week (for me), so I’m just going to run through it so you can get a glimpse into my world.

On Tuesday I was back at work after an 11 day break (I work in education), two days in and I was knackered. On Weds and Thurs we had the Ofsted inspectors in our school. To most people reading this, it won’t mean much but to anyone who works in schools, the mere mention of Ofsted will have brought on a cold sweat. I think if you told anyone that someone was going to come in to their work and then grade them, they too would be in a state of unease. I reckon if someone said they were going to monitor your breathing, all of a sudden you’d forget how to breathe normally. With this in mind, in the first lesson of the first day they were in, guess whose class they came in? Yes you’ve guessed, this unknown comedian’s class. I think I looked sufficiently busy.

Also at school. I overheard a girl say, “Ed Sheeran was the best looking Ginger ever”. I’m not sure how much research she did. My default setting was to question this, but then I started trying to think of attractive ginger haired males (the inspectors had gone by this point). The only one I could think of was Prince Harry, not necessarily my type but he does seem to do well in those ‘fit lists’. I imagine being a Prince helps. Feel free to add your choice of fit male gingers. (via the comments button)

On Thurs I also did a rare poetry performance , at ‘Bang Said The Gun’ the liveliest poetry night I’ve performed at. I think it helps that they have uptempo music and the audience are given shakers. How can you go wrong with shakers? After my set which was well received, ‘Her With One Permanent Job’ , said with some concern “People are going to think you’re a misogynist”. This did catch me off guard, after all  who gave her permission to move away from the kitchen sink? (it’s funny cos I’m being ironic)

On Friday, we went to a comedy night in trendy Shoreditch, which was headlined by ‘The Boy With Tape On His Face’. This is a man who does his entire set with actual tape over his mouth. I’ve seen him twice and he’s an act I think is well worth seeing. What amazes me is not only how he is able to get laughs whilst never speaking but how he has so much control over the audience without ever uttering a word. I know from personal experience, working as Teaching Assistant, that even when speaking repeatedly, it is possible to have no visible influence.

On Saturday, we went to a Johnny Cash birthday bash, (he wasn’t there) and on Sunday (yday) I watched the Carling Cup final and as a result have probably shaved a few years of my life but all in all it was worth it, plus I can’t afford to live into old age..

Til next time, stay safe!

Here’s looking at you kid

James Corden in One Man Two Guvnors

Hola. Hope you are well.

I have one days more grace from school as it is teacher training today and as agency staff I’m not required, but it does mean I get to do this blog post in the morning, which means you don’t have to wait as long for to read the hilarious things I’ve been up to.

Starting last Monday, when I did my first stand up gig in years. I might be biased but I thought it went well. It helped having friends  in the audience supporting me,  if nothing else it made it a fun night out, with 5 mins of work. What I realised from doing the gig, is that I don’t need to do stand up. One of the things that would make me do more stand up gigs is my desire to crack/master it, if you can ever master stand up.

Talking of gigs, I will be doing a rare poetry gig this Thurs, 23rd Feb. It’s part of  the poetry night Bang Said The Gun, which is the liveliest poetry night I’ve ever been to. I’m one of the two guest performers, doing 15-20 mins of my funny/silly poems. The night takes place at the Roebuck pub, 50 Great Dover St (nearest tube Borough). It starts at 8pm and is £5 in.

On Tuesday, what with it being Valentine’s ‘Her With One Permanent Job’ and I went to see Casablanca. It was an enjoyable film and funnier than I thought it was. I assumed it would be more schmaltzy. At the end of the film the audience applauded. I don’t know if this was because we were watching an old film and people felt respectful by osmosis or because the cinema was on the trendy Southbank. There was something weird clapping, 1) a film and 2) a film that was made years ago but having thought about it, is it any weirder than grown men shouting at a TV screen whilst watching football in the pub?

On Thursday, we went to see One Man, Two Guvnors, which again was good fun, ‘HWOPJ’ described it as pantomime for adults (in a good way). We were right at the back of the theatre, i.e. there were no seats behind us. We were so high up, that at one point air traffic control tried to guide us down. However, being so high up did mean there was no chance of getting chosen to do any audience participation, which shows there are advantages of cheap seats.

And Finally… to Twitter where I got my first person from the adult film industry following me. I assumed she was from that industry due to the address of her website, yet her tweets were quite beautiful and poetic. Just for the record, I never checked out her website, partly because we have been recently been between virus checkers and partly because ‘HWOPJ’ wouldn’t have been happy. Anyway, now we have installed a new virus checker but unfortunately she no longer follows me. Them’s the breaks.

Til next week, stay safe!

Entertaining the nation

The Hob, Forest Hill

Hola. Hope you are well.

I am on half-term, woohoo! I don’t know if it is psychological or coincidence but half-term always seems to come at the right time, ie when I’m knackered. As an experiment it would be interesting if the school didn’t tell me when half-term was to see if I was as tired when it comes round. Or do I feel tired because I know it’s coming and so I mentally limp over the line.

It probably didn’t help that, last Thurs I was out doing a 3 Prong Attack gig (my double act) and so got in late, I suppose these are the sacrifices I make to entertain the nation (or the upstairs of a pub in North London). To be fair to the gig ‘Free and Funny’ at the Camden Head, we have played it 3 times and it has always been packed and always has quality acts on. I actually think the line up is too good to be free but what do I know. For those interested, our set was well received which I was pleased with because of the previous two times we’ve performed there, the first one went well and the second one was indifferent. Although Prong 2 thought more positively of the second gig but he is from an acting background so is probably more comfortable with audiences sitting in silence and staring at him.

Talking of gigs, I am doing a rare stand up gig tonight, Mon 13th Feb, at the Hob in Forest Hill. If you know anyone in South London, let them know. Tis £3 in and starts at 8pm (they are pretty prompt with their starts).

As I mentioned at the top of the blog, it is half-term, so I’ve decided I’m going to try to do all the things that I had previously intended to do but never got round to doing. You know, all the things that in the week, you put off for the weekend and then the weekend comes and you’re either too busy or can’t be arsed to do, so you say you will do them one evening in the week and the cycle continues.

Having said all this, I do have a few things on this week, there is the aforementioned gig tonight, on Tuesday I’m going to see Casablanca (it’s valentine’s day) and on Thurs we’re going to see the play, ‘One Man, Two Guvnors’. In addition to this ‘Her With One Permanent Job’ seems to be creating a list of things for me to do. At this rate by the time half-term is over I will be looking forward to going back to work.

And Finally… Talking of work, Weds will mark my year of working in schools. I have to be honest and say for most of my life I’ve been quite lucky in that I’ve never had to work continuously for any length of time. I’ve always just done jobs here and there and living at my mum’s for longer than society deems acceptable also shielded me from the harsh realities of working life. So I would have to say this year has been the hardest, in terms of work. I think the hardest part for me is managing tiredness. Every morning I curse when I’m forced to get up, (in the spirit of fairness I do finish at 3:15). Prior to this year I’ve always thought I wasn’t afraid of hard work, but now I’m not so sure. I wouldn’t say I was afraid of hard work, but if hard work was coming towards me late at night, I think I would now cross the road.

Til next time, stay safe!

Music to clean to

Dudley

Hola. Hope you are well.

I’m going to start with some gig news. This Thurs, 9th Feb, the 3 Prong Attack (my double act) are back in action, this time in North London. We are appearing at The Camden Head, as part of their open mic night ‘Free and Funny’, we will be doing 5 mins. The night starts at 8pm, and is Free in, hence the name of the night. You can find The Camden Head at, 2 Camden Walk, N1 8DY. The nearest station is Angel. (Please note this venue is NOT in Camden despite the name of the pub).

I’m also doing a rare solo stand up gig next Monday at the Hob, 7 Devonshire Rd, Forest Hill SE23. Again this is an open mic night and I will be doing 5 mins. It is opposite Forest Hill Station. The show starts at 8pm and is £3 in.

This gig partially comes about because I decided that I wanted to do at least one solo stand up gig this year. I like to set myself manageable tasks, mainly because they are by definition manageable. The gig also comes about because Prong 2 couldn’t do the gig, so this left me. So I’m kind of doing the gig by default but at least I’ll have achieved one of my aims for the year and it’s only February.

Talking of manageable achievements. About five years ago I started reading Catch-22 by Joseph Heller, I was lead to believe it was a good book and one worth reading but for whatever reason I couldn’t get into and so I abandoned it, and I hate not finishing books, it makes me feel a little guilty. I know that sounds weird. Anyway, at the time I vowed to read more books and then return to the book when I’d become a better reader. Well that time has come as this morning I started the book. Let’s hope I’m mature enough to handle it now.

The main thing to happen at work last week, was that one of the catering staff on hearing my voice said, “You must be from Dudley”. Dudley!!! Usually I get Birmingham, but Dudley is a new one on me, especially as people from Dudley have a stronger midlands accent. Plus it also seems quite specific of him to pinpoint my accent to Dudley. I’m not sure where he was from, I didn’t stick around, I was too busy trying to see if I could get him sacked. This has made me think I have two options, I can either Manc up, tips will be gratefully received, or I could try a new accent. I was thinking maybe Scouse or, Geordie, or maybe I should try Brummie and perhaps in some reverse logic people will ask, “Are you from Wythenshawe”?

And Finally…and on to domestic duties and yesterday I found myself doing some housework, hoovering and mopping should you need to know, to the soundtrack of Madonna’s ‘The Immaculate Collection’. I started questioning myself as to whether this is acceptable behaviour for a man in his mid (to late) thirties, who finds himself home alone. Feel free to share your thoughts. I’ve got to admit Madonna’s hits made good tidying up music. I think the secret is to go with uplifting music. I imagine if you cleaned to The Smiths or Radiohead, you might not see it through. I’m thinking Bob Marley next time. Feel free to let me know what music you clean to?

After the cleaning I did go to my local  pub to watch the football and drink pints of lager. In no way was I trying to cling on to the thin thread of masculinity I have remaining.

Til next time, stay safe!