Why I’m not Chris Evans

Hola. Hope you are well.

Do not worry, I’m not delusional. I do realise there are many reasons why I am different to Chris Evans. The career, the money, the cars, the hair colour, the colour colour all for starters but on Saturday my difference to the aforementioned DJ became even more apparent.

I was travelling back to Manchester to visit my mum and sister. Due to economic reasons I was travelling on Megabus. My plan to avoid tedium on the journey was to read and sleep. My book of choice was the first installment of Chris Evans’ autobiography, ‘It’s not what you think’. (a good read)

During my coach trip, I read an extract about how Chris during his TFI Friday days took Concorde to New York at £7000 a ticket. He paid for a party of 8 including Richard Branson. His journey time from London to NY was 3hrs 37 mins. My journey time from London to Manchester was 4hrs 30 mins. At this exact point, I realised how different my life is compared to Chris Evans’. Having said that my ticket only cost £5, so who’s the real winner???

Ps. I never slept during my journey.

Til next time, stay safe!

@anunknowncomic                                          Prongcasts

About a boy

Hola. Hope you are well.

When I was a boy, one of my favourite programmes was ‘It’s a Knockout’. Part of the reason I liked this show was because of the über enthusiastic commentator, who I later found out was a man called Stuart Hall.

During my time at university (yes, I did go to university) I used to listen and enjoy Stuart Hall’s football reports on BBC 5Live. They were laced with the most expressive language that I ever heard to describe football. Often I wasn’t sure who’d won the game, so bamboozled by his language but then that was half the fun.

When I was a teenager, one of my favourite songs was Jump, by Kriss Kross. Not only was it a catchy song but the duo also wore their clothes back to front. Back in the early 90’s before X Factor and The Voice, this was how acts got noticed. So inspired by Kriss Kross and that song, that in my mid 20s when I thought my poetry was a viable vehicle out of the ‘ghetto’ I penned a poem called ‘Kriss Kross’ (I’m unoriginal with titles).

The reason I mention both Stuart Hall and Kriss Kross is that on the same day it was announced that Stuart Hall had pleaded guilty to multiple cases of sex abuse with underage girls, it was announced Chris from Kriss Kross had died from a suspected overdose.

On hearing the news about Stuart and Chris I couldn’t help feeling that a little bit of my youth had disappeared that day. I mentioned this to a few people on an evening out, including one of Prong 2’s housemates, who pointed out that ‘I wasn’t the main consideration in either situation’. She may well have had a point, but still…

Til next time stay safe!

@anunknowncomic                             Prongcasts

This socket’s on fire

Hola. Hope you are well.

I’ve had a busy few days. Firstly, there was an electrical incident. The plug socket under our sink, blew a fuse a few weeks ago after some water had seeped between and the wall and the work surface. Since then the gap has been sealed but this didn’t stop the fuse blowing again. When it did, I removed the plug and switched the on switch to off. By doing this, it must have created a spark because I could see bright lights behind the socket. I’m not one for overreaction but I genuinely thought it was going to escalate into a full-blown fire. I had visions of our flat burning down and the embarrassment of having to get our neighbours out of the flat.

As these thoughts subsided so did the sparking. To cut a short story short, an electrician came out the next day and as well as fixing the socket, he claimed that many people have a plug socket under a sink. I’m not an electrician but I wouldn’t have thought water and electricity are a good mix, but maybe I’m wrong. So with this in mind, do you have a plug socket under the sink? You can contact me via the comments button.

In other news, I was back in Norwich this weekend, my third time there in less than a month. The first time I went for a stag do, then the week after I was there for a hag do (hag and stag, it’s the modern way) and this weekend was the wedding. This made me wonder who goes to Norwich 3 times in less than a month, if they don’t live there, work there, or have relatives there? Feel free to let me know if you’ve been to Norwich 3 times in less than a month.

The wedding itself was a nice event and some may even suggest it was enhanced by a certain unknown comedian reading one of his poems. I couldn’t possible say. One of my favourite bits of the wedding was when my friend sitting next to me and ‘Her With One Permanent Job’ said with a straight face, that the couple getting married “Were the most suited couple he knows”. Cheers for that. To be fair, the couple are extremely well suited and nice people to boot.

Til next time, stay safe!

@anunknowncomic                                            Prongcasts

News Justin

Hola. Hope you are well.

I’m going to defend Justin Bieber. Don’t worry I’m not a Belieber but then I’m not a 6-year-old girl. Nor am I saying everything he has done is great. For example, I don’t think he should have made his British fans wait for over 2 hours, especially as most of them get craggy when they’re up beyond their bedtime.

But I do think he has been unfairly criticised for writing in the Anne Frank museum comments book, that if she were alive today he hoped she would  be a fan of his. Instead of having a go at him, I say well done on him for going to the museum in the first place. There are after all, other things to distract a 19-year-old boy in Amsterdam (so I’ve been told).

And if we are going to start reading out what Justin writes in a museum’s visitors book, we should start doing it with anyone who leaves a message in any visitors book. Feel free to let me know what you’ve written a visitors book, the more inane the better. You can contact me via the comments button.

As to whether Anne Frank would have been a fan of this blog, I’m under no illusions that she would have read this blog, nor know who I was. To be fair to her, my friends and family don’t read this blog, so I can’t see why a girl hiding from the Nazis in Amsterdam would.

Til next time, stay safe!

                                                                   @anunknowncomic                            Prongcasts