Who said romance was dead?

Hola. Hope you are well.

On last week’s blog, I mentioned how I’d been in Norwich doing a gig. Well, ‘Her With One Permanent Job’ has trumped me, as her work has taken her to Kenya. I sometimes wonder how our work lives are so different. However, a couple of weeks ago, I had an insight as to why this might be the case because after work one evening, she spent a couple of hours on the computer doing sensible things that might advance her career. After this she asked me, “If I needed the computer”, I did because whilst she was doing her work, I’d decided it would be a good idea for me to tweet Rod Stewart, about him crying at the end of a Celtic match. That’s why my day job takes me to a school in South West London, her job takes her to East Africa. Let that be a lesson to us all.

Also on last week’s blog, I mentioned how I cleaned ‘HWOPJ’s’ muddy boots and she said it was “the most romantic thing I’ve done”. This week before she went to Africa, I promised not to watch Peep Show, so we can watch it online together when she comes back. I think I am perfecting these small gestures, I’m not so good with the big ones, but small I’m mastering. Feel free to let me know the small thing you do for your other half, the smaller the better. (you can contact me via the comments button).

A few years ago on a weekend trip, I visited the graveside of Sylvia Plath, with ‘HWOPJ’ as it happens, (you’re probably thinking is there no end to his romantic nature) about year ago I went to an art exhibition celebrating Sylvia’s art work. From this you might think I’m a massive fan of her work, yet I’ve never read any of her poems and I’d never read her most famous work ‘The Bell Jar’ until last week when I started it.

On to some 3 Prong Attack news, here are 3 videos we made a couple of weeks ago. In true 3 Prong tradition we were forced to do the takes in between the drilling from my neighbour downstairs and in true 3 Prong tradition they are our take on the Jimmy Savile saga, just as everyone’s stopped talking about it. Anyway here are the results.

The biggest shock about the whole thing (42 secs)

It’s just a shame no one knew  (1min 6secs)

What does the ‘N’ stand for?

And Finally… I don’t normally do football on this blog, as I have a football blog for that kind of thing, but last week the Chelsea manager Roberto Di Matteo got sacked at 4 in the morning (if you believe the papers) so with that in mind, what’s the earliest in the day you’ve been sacked?

Til next week, stay safe!

@anunknowncomic

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E-ticket to ride

Hola. Hope you are well.

I was out and about on Friday entertaining the good people of Norwich, doing a rare stand up gig. It turned out to be a good night and my set was well received. What with me being more of ‘an unknown teaching assistant’ than ‘an unknown comedian’ these days it was nice to be up on stage doing an extended set.

After the gig a couple of the audience members wanted me to pose for pics with them. What they will do with the photos I don’t know. If you’ve had your pic taken with performers no one else outside of the gig will know, let me know how long it took before you deleted that pic.

Things were obviously going too well as the next day, having had a nice stroll around Norwich I got to the train station with 10 mins to spare. I had a E-ticket so I showed it to the staff member at the gate. She looked at it and said, “This is not your ticket, but the  confirmation”. She directed me to the ticket office (not the confirmation office). I’m now up against time and in a queue. I get to the counter and explain what has happened and show this member of staff my paper, she points to the words that read, “This is your ticket to travel”. So now I have to go back to the woman at the gate and tell her what I was told at the ticket office. At this point she could admit to making a mistake but doesn’t and instead says, “I’ll let you through but you’ll have to have a word with the guard, before you get on the train”. I didn’t, I just got on the train.

I wouldn’t have been too bothered about them quibbling as to whether it was a ticket or a confirmation email, if having booked a train, I hadn’t spent part of the journey (30mins) on bus. A bus after all is not a train.

In other news, I’m not sure why but on Sunday I woke up and felt like doing a bit of cleaning, and ended up hoovering and mopping. I also cleaned ‘Her With One Permanent Job’s’ muddy boots. She described this as being, “the most romantic thing I’ve done”. I’m not sure how serious she was, although I’m not the most romantic of people so it could well be true. Either that, or guys should forget the idea of candle light dinners in Paris, because what women really want is for you to clean their muddy boots.

And Finally… I don’t want to come across as a grumpy old man, who claims things were better ‘in my day’ BUT I’ve had a pair of shoes for many many years and for all that time I’ve had the original laces in. Then a few months ago they succumbed to wear and tear and I had to buy some new ones. Already, to my dismay these new laces have frayed to the point that yesterday I had to buy some more laces. Anyway I’m off now to get my pipe and slippers and a nice cup of Horlicks.

Til next week, stay safe!

@anunknowncomic

Shut that door

Hola. Hope you are well.

I went to a 90’s night on Sat, which is somewhat disconcerting as I lived through the 90’s, they were my decade, certainly musically, so it’s hard to take that that decade is now been revisited nostalgically. It seems way too soon for me. I’ve still got clothes from the 90s and more amazingly I’ve still got friends from the 90s.

I say I went to a 90’s night, I almost didn’t get in, as the venue have a strict no ID, no entry policy and with me being mid-late 30s, I don’t carry ID around with me. This means that I am vulnerable in situations like this, only last year I wasn’t allowed to buy wine at a supermarket. With this in mind I was all set not to get in. At one point the lady on the door said, “Have you got anything with a picture of your face on”? I felt like saying, “I can do better than that, I have my actual face” but I could sense this was not the time for such a comment. In the end it all worked out because “on this one occasion” she’d let me in.

My night had not gone much smoother prior to this, as at the restaurant ‘Her With One Permanent Job’ and I somehow got overlooked and had to wait over an hour for our dinner, with just our starter, green beans to keep us going. In addition to the long wait for our food, we were sat next to the door, which was faulty so if it wasn’t shut properly it would spring back open. As it was a very cold night, it meant I was constantly having to get up and close the door.

With this in mind, I hope it goes some way to explaining what happened next. Firstly, a man stood at the door with it wide open whilst his other-half paid the bill. This annoyed me as he was letting all the cold air in. Secondly, after paying her bill she walked straight out with no thought of the door. This tipped me over the edge, so I got up and shouted after them and told them they hadn’t shut the door.  Naturally they didn’t come back and shut it as from their point of view a maniac had called after them about closing a door. ‘HWOPJ’ said if this had happened on a first date, there would not have been a second, as the incident had made me “appear unhinged”. In my defence, I still don’t think I was in the wrong and anyway I wasn’t unhinged, it was the door that was badly hinged.

And Finally… On Last week’s blog post I mentioned how I claimed back £1:35 from Transport for London, a few days later they announced fare rises of 4:2% and the cost of hiring Boris Bikes will double. Has my actions in claiming the money back ultimately cost the people of London? If so I apologise, but not to that couple who didn’t shut the restaurant door.

Til next week, stay safe!

@anunknowncomic

The people of Norwich need not worry

Hola. Hope you are well.

On last week’s blog post I was having a little moan about being underpaid by my summer job, and having to do a bit of admin in order to get what was owed to me. Yesterday I received the money, woohoo, I’m a winner. It’s only taken til bonfire night for me to get fully paid for a summer job.

Also last week I claimed back £1:35 from Transport for London, for an extra bus journey I was forced to make, through no fault of my own. I was on the phone for 6 mins reclaiming my money, so I may well be out of pocket. That’s the price of principles (stubbornness) Feel free to let me no of any petty stances you’ve made and the outcome. You can contact me via the comments button.

I’ve not just been complaining about transport, I’ve also been booking it, or attempting to. This is because I have a gig coming up in Norwich, and although I’ve known about this for months, it’s only now with a couple weeks to go I’ve turned my attention to booking a train. This has not proved to be that simple, mainly due to the fact that I will be going after work and the trains are now too expensive, so I decided a £7:50 coach was more to my liking. The problem I had with the coach was that it departs at 4pm and I don’t finish school til 3:15 and so wouldn’t be able to get a train to the coach station with enough time to spare. ‘Her With One Permanent Job’ suggested getting a taxi from school to the coach station. As a non taxi going person I had not thought of this, but realised this was the solution to my problem. Well, that’s what I thought, but although the distance is only 6.4 miles, taxi companies were saying  I needed to leave at least 50 mins to ensure I got there on time, due to traffic issues. This seemed somewhat ridiculous, especially when you consider a few weeks ago I ran 6.2 miles in 44mins (and 7 secs).

Before the people of Norwich get worried that I won’t be able to make it to the gig, my school kindly said I could leave early. I didn’t mention why, I didn’t want to prejudice my chances. People often think comedy is all glamour, glamour but when Russell Brand is not marrying and divorcing Katy Perry or introducing the Delai Lama on stage, he will be sorting out transport to Norwich and trying to fit it round his work in schools.

And Finally, I saw the story of a man who was charged with giving trick or treaters cocaine as opposed to sweets. Obviously this is wrong on many levels but it did make think, what have you received/given as an alternative to sweets to trick or treaters?

Til next week, stay safe!