Two and a half years is a long time in politics

Hola. Hope you are well.

On last week’s blog I mentioned how one of the comedians took half the audience with him, leaving 3 Prong Attack (my double act) to play in front of 3 paying audience members. In the days afterwards, ‘Her With One Permanent Job’ spotted him, as he works in the same building as her. This made me think me and Prong 2 should do our 5 min set at his work and the good thing about this is that most of the people he was with, at the gig, were his colleagues, so it would be poetic justice.

On Thursday, I had a rare lie in, as school started late for me. It was quite exciting, as the phrase goes, ‘in the kingdom of the 7 day working week, the lie in is king’ or something like that. I’m not sure I made best use of my lie in, as all I did in the morning was some washing up, some mopping and attempted to listen to Chris Moyles’s penultimate show on iPlayer. For those interested, I didn’t quite get to listen to the whole show before I had to leave for work, despite fast forwarding through songs and the news.

On Saturday evening I watched the film Remains of the Day (not necessarily my choice). It was 2 hours of suppressed love but because the love was so suppressed nothing actually happened. This is a film that is highly thought of, it was nominated for 8 Oscars, yet it did nothing for me. Feel free to let me know of classic films that have done nothing for you, or feel free to tell me why I’m wrong about Remains of the Day. (You can contact me via the comments button)

And Finally… a little bit of politics and Nick Clegg in particular. I couldn’t help thinking this week, what is Nick Clegg for? I imagine at quiet times, probably in the middle of the night, even Nick Clegg wonders what he’s for. Two and a half years ago he was seen as a bright new politician, admittedly this was based on the fact that during the televised leadership debates he was able to look into the camera and he was able to remember people’s names. In the world of politics this is a big deal. Now he’s just this anonymous figure, no use to anyone. I’m sure even Lib Dems see him as a liability. If you find anyone willing to admit they are a Lib Dem, ask them.

Last week Nick Clegg appeared on the internet apologising for not being able to prevent a rise in tuition fees, despite this being the policy they ran their election campaign on. I’m not sure why was he bringing attention to something that happened two and half years ago? Either apologise at the time or don’t mention at all, especially if that thing doesn’t show you in a good light.

Anyway in honour of Nick Clegg, when was the last time you’ve had to apologise?

Til next week, stay safe!

The naked truth

Hola. Hope you are well.

It’s been another varied week for me, for starters last night I was out doing a 3 Prong Attack gig. After it, I couldn’t help thinking I’ve overseen the end of open mic nights. Since moving to London and resuming my live comedy career, I’ve been to a fair amount of open mic comedy nights, possibly too many for my sanity. Don’t get me wrong, the idea of open mic comedy is honourable, ie giving new comedians stage time and more established comics the chance to try out new material, however in these tough financial times we find ourselves in, I’m not sure the public has much of an appetite for such nights.

We were on second in the second half and by that time, thanks to half the audience leaving with one of the acts who’d performed in the first half, we performed in front of 3 genuine punters, plus ‘Her With One Permanent Job’ and fellow comedians. It felt more like a workshop, rather than a comedy gig. As I said to Prong 2 on the relatively packed tube home, we would have been better served in terms of numbers, doing our act there and then. I’m sure the reaction of the commuters wouldn’t have been much difference to that of the audience at the gig.

In more uplifting news, last week I was corresponding with a radio presenter from a national radio station. This follows on from, former Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez, checking out my football blog. I say he checked it out, in reality, the person who answers his emails said he would pass on my email, which contained a link to my football blog. But we shouldn’t let fact get in the way of a good story.

Which kind of leads into my next piece, as last week I also emailed, This Morning, Sky News and BBC Trust to see if after the revelations the Hillsborough investigation unearthed, whether these TV companies would be employing Kelvin Mackenzie as a mouthpiece on their show(s). Kelvin Mackenzie after all, was the editor of The Sun who days after the tragedy, with no evidence decided to print on their front page, as fact, that Liverpool fans were stealing from the dying/dead and were urinating on officers who were trying to assist fans. As I pointed out to these broadcasters Kelvin Mackenzie was at best grossly incompetent and at worse, guilty of spreading malicious untruths against the dead and causing extreme pain to grieving families. At the time of writing, I’ve yet to have a replay back.

And Finally… in a show of solidarity with our future Queen, Kate Middleton, I’ve decided I won’t be buying French Closer from this day forward. It’s a sacrifice I’m prepared to make.

Til next week, stay safe!

@anunknowncomic

Papa’s got a brand new bag

Hola. Hope you are well.

I’ve had a varied week. Yesterday (Sun) I ended up at the Banstead Village fete. I’ll be honest with you, before being sent to Banstead, I’d never heard of it but at least I now I know it’s in Surrey. I was there as part of my Summer job, (or is it now an Autumn Job?) I was supervising 10 young people I’d never seen before and in all likelihood will never see again.

To get to the fete I had to take a 30 min taxi ride, at the organisations expense. I’m not sure how much the fare was but I reckon the taxi company made more money from that journey, than I did from the day’s work. I can’t help thinking in terms of cost, it would have made more sense for them to send me home and get someone nearer to Banstead to do my shift. In many ways I’m more cost-effective when I’m home in bed than doing my job. I’m the equivalent of farmers who get paid, not to produce stock.

Also this past week I was described as “having no backbone”, ironically not directly by the person themself  but relayed to me by a third-party. So with this in mind, when was the last time you heard a negative thing said about you and what was it? Feel free to let me know via the comments button.

On Thursday I was at the Paralympic athletics. Prong 2 did say I should have competed, as I have no backbone. I’d told him abt the above comments, it wasn’t pure coincidence. The atmosphere was good at the stadium, especially when the British athletes won their events. I couldn’t help thinking that if I had 70 000 people cheering me on, whilst I was doing my job, it would spur me on to greater effort. To be fair I already give as close to 100% in every job I do. (You never know who is reading this blog)

On Friday, whilst watching the film ‘In Bruges’, the house opposite caught on fire. Thankfully no one was hurt and there didn’t seem to be much damage to the property, it probably helps that we live really near a fire station. One thing I will say about a fire is that it brings people together. Half the street came out to have a nose, not us though, we had In Bruges to finish.

Next week’s blog will take place on Tues as 3 Prong Attack are doing a comedy gig on Mon 17th at the Hope and Anchor, Highbury and Islington. 8pm £4 in.

And Finally… On last week’s blog post I mentioned how I was going to buy a new bag and as a man true to his word, I bought a new bag. One that could be best described as a brown ‘man bag’ or a lady’s brown hand bag. This bag is not without its teething problems as the bag is slightly less roomy as the previous one, so things don’t fit in as easily. And in addition to this, this bag has two poppers, whereas the previous bag had just the one. Meaning over the course of this bag’s life, I’m going to be spending twice as long opening and closing this bag over the last one? That’s time I could be spending more productively, or not.

Til next week, stay safe!

@anunknowncomic

Him with two temporary jobs

Hola. Hope you are well.

I sat down this morning to sketch out what I would write for this very blog post. I went to get my exercise book which I write down my comedy ideas. It wasn’t in my bag, which was weird as that’s where it normally is. Then I remembered that after work y’day we went for a meal and due in part to the buckle on my bag being broken some of the contents of my bag fell out under the table. I scooped up what I thought was everything, evidently  not, so this morning I rang the restaurant. Anyone who’s read this blog for any length of time will at this point realise that they didn’t have my exercise book, in fact they struggled with the concept of an exercise book. I don’t know why I bothered ringing up, I should have known it wasn’t going to be there. It’s quite annoying, firstly because it’s my fault, I should have checked that I’d picked up everything from under the table and secondly, because the notebook isn’t really any use to anyone other than me, so if someone found it, why wouldn’t they hand it in? Unless someone at the restaurant is keeping it for themselves, so if you see an Italian waiter doing material in my style, I instruct you to make a citizen’s arrest.

If losing my comedy notes wasn’t bad enough, I’m about to enter the worst period of my work life. Today is one of the two days I have off in September (the other being tomorrow), this is due to me working two jobs. I’m concluding my summer job, as well as  resuming my role as a TA (teaching assistant) in a school. This means I will be working in the school in the week and my other job at the weekends. If my life was a film, one, it would be a long film but secondly, Sept would be the pivotal point, where from this point forward my fortunes would change for the better. But as my life is not scripted by Hollywood writers, I imagine not much will change in October or November.

I say that but I do have an idea, to get out of my current situation and this involves …football kit men. I could expand on this but I think the tease is better than the actual story. If anything does come from this I will let you know.

And Finally… I thought I’d leave you on an up note (sort of) by posting three, 3 Prong Attack videos we did recently. They are v.short so won’t really eat into your time.

Here’s our tips on how to make it in radio (59 secs)

Here’s our thoughts on the return of Dallas (1m 10)

How to connect with 3 Prong Attack (24 secs)

I’m off to get a new bag and a new exercise book.

Til next week, stay safe!

@anunknowncomic